yo guys..wana wish ya all



HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR



am wishing it now as I won't be home tonite to wish ya all.. Gona party at Bukit Bintang tonite...

hahha... cool hor... check it out man.. gona highlight my hair bright bright... cools yar...



kke... wish ya all have a new year's joyous celebration.... and May God bless ur new year this time round....



c ya

Another day has passed me by. Didn't do much today, except to help mom out in cleaning up the house a bit. Brother's sick, so was lending a hand or two too.



I am so bored at home. Nothing much that I want to do, lots of things that I need to do, but yet not wanting to do them. Coming back here is like coming back to all the daily chores that I hafta do. It seems that I can't escape them, oh how I wish I could. Yet, it's back to reality for me.

Went to Midvalley today... supposed to watch LOTR today, but the leftover seats available was not favourable, so we choose to forgo it. Instead, we ( uni mates and I) went to the food court for some lunch. I had nasi lemak today, it was good. Have not tasted authentic nasi lemak for the duration of time I've been in Australia, do miss it heaps. and most of all, I have my favourite bubble tea today! Yay!!! Still, it tastes better here. I went to get a yam milk tea (my fav) from the shop near the GSC in Midvalley. Preferred that particular drink from that shop. Funny thing is, my friend whom I met in Australia also like it. Looks like I managed to find a friend who likes some of the things that I do.



Am feeling quite lethargic these days.. wonder why.. Am quite tired and all for no reason. It's not like I'm doing heavy things, rather, I came home straight back to my old routine before I left for Australia.

Yet I tire easily. Gosh...

I'm finally back at home in Malaysia... yes! this girl is back in Malaysia. Spent 8 hours in the plane, was quite bored as I travel home alone. But oh well, it's past. Got a pleasant surprise when I got there. Mom and dad came to fetch mealong with my brother. It's a surprise for me as the plan was initially that my brother come and fetch me alone. Quite happy too... Mom gave me a big tight hug when she saw me... another surprise too... coz my family arent the people who hug each other and all... can't remember the last time i hug my mom... but now i have a fresh memory of it. :D



I'm still unpacking, can't believe i have so many things! Gosh man..... I still have two big boxes of clothes and books on the way home. I have no idea where I'm gona fit them as my room is fully packed.



I went out the whole day yesterday. My mates from uni called me out for lunch. Since I have no car, they came to fetch me all the way from subang. Trust me, it's far from their place to mine. What's more, this friend of mine have to detour to Old Klang Road to fetch another friend of mine. Am thankful for such willing friends :D Went to Kepong Baru to eat hawker food. It's not really nice, guessed I should've gone to the one in Kepong Baru wet market to eat its claypot noodle. It's really delicious there.... but it's alright. The store I went to was next to the duck rice that I wanted to go and eat. But I didn't eat it yesterday coz I don't feel like it. What's more, my friends wanted to eat the other stall, oh well.... will go and eat duck rice another day.



After that we went to One Utama. Gosh, major changes in that place man. The new area is open, my friend parked his car there, quite different, new and classier it seems. Wasn't really in the mood to shop, so what we did was to just go get the present that they need to get and move on. I went to my grandma's place in Kepong Baru after that to get my car. My aunt was using it when I was away, so now I get to use my car again. She's cool, pumped full tank for me to use.. keke.. anyway, hang out there for a while longer as I do miss grandma.. she's quite old liao... keke... but still as funny as ever.



Saw girl girl oso, so cute... she kept on giving me presents she got for Christmas. Miss her so much, miss cuddling and hugging her and kissing her. Still so cute as ever. Looked so like me when I was younger. Haha... so funny, she's like a replica of me when I was younger. So cute summore, asking me for her Christmas present.. like hinting all the way...



Came home for dinner, which my brother cooked (I was supposed to cook but I came home late, he bising summore.. aisehhh). After shower I went out again.. this time round to yam cha with my taekwondo mates. Quite nice to see them all again, hanging out at our "old place". Seems like I'm getting back to my old routine .....

It's been a while since I've written anything here. A week to be exact. For one who has consistently writing here, it's a while for me. I guess somehow Im not using my own comp hence I don't really write. All I've been doing mostly is to check email here and that's all.



Been going out quite often these days. Not shopping, but just more like window shopping I guess. Can't seem to be able to buy anythingthese days. But it's not like I'm desperate to get any, so I guess it doesn't really matter.



Ya know, was reading a friend's blog and found out that she went through a lot this year. Am sad that I am not able to be there for her. Though we are not really close, but seriously, I am sad to know that she went through so much and I did not know of it until now. Hey girl, if you are reading this, and I guess you would know it's you.. take good care of yourself. I am sorry that such bad things happen to you, and I am sorry that you have to go through what you went through. I believe you are strong enough to fight it through and to stand strong once again.



I'll be leaving for home in a few days... cant believe that I've been here for 10 months liao. This time round, I'm leaving for good, leaving Australia and the fond memories behind. Looking back, so many things has happened in in my life this short year. Bonds built, bonds broken.... Never really did occur to me that a lot of things can take place in my life within a one year period. I guess my life has been quite monotonous in the past. Fond memories, really fond memories. I'm gona leave behind so many things... uncountable.....



Going home means a new start, a new beginning... another ste forward in my life, hence the change of the banner in this blog. I call it one step forward, coz I am taking another step forward in life right now, one which I have no idea of, one which I will need to rely on myself ... so many thng unknown right now..... aihh....

nothing to say liao... nothing to see liao...

everything... let Him decide for melor....

Wana write out my frustration and all, yet don't see a point in writing it here.....sometimes feel like letting everything go.. yet it's not a choice that I can make myself..

wat is this man!

Sad with my situation, angry at how the things are going, pissed at the things that I need to do, tired with everything ....

Actually my mood was quite good today, boring..but still good. And then my aunt came home n destroyed whatever neutral ad good feeling that I have. For some reason, I have a feeling that she is picking on me. I'm quite pissed with it actually. This is not the first time she did the same thing to me lor. Am I sucha nuisance to her? Then finelar, tell me straight and don't pick one the things taht I do. What's more, I'm doing more than I need to lor. I'm helping out with the washing up, I'm lending her a hand when she needs it and etc. It's not as though I'm trashing her house or anything, what's more, I'm helping her maintain the good appearance of her house. What she want me to do, pay rent ar?



I seriously don't think that I am such a bad person to live with, but I can tell you that she is lor. I'm really sad over this. I mean, hey, I know i'm boarding with you for free,and I am trying to like make things better by helping out and all, but why do you hafta treat me like this? Am I such a nail that pricks you? Never had I misuse her hospitality. Even to go to my friend's place I never bother her or ask her to send me there. I made sure I tell her when I do go out n stuff. Damn sad to know that I am so unwelcome in this place.

I am sooo bored here. Gosh, sometimes I wonder if I can continue to be the way I am and live the way I am doing right now. I want to do something, this restless body of mine want to do something more than just to go shopping and etc. Is there anything that I can do? I can't think of any right at this moment... gosh, life can be so boring when u hav nothing to do

For the life of me I do not understand why a person would want to commit suicide due to personal upheavals. Is it really worth it to end your life? Can't you see that your life is such a precious gift from God? Do you know that You do not own this body of yours? Why then would you want to commit suicide just because things aren't really going your way? Is it worth it to give up so much and let go so much due to a little hurdel? Can't you at least try to jump over the hurdel, to overcome the upheavals of life and live on?



Isn't it saddening to know that youth nowadays are choosing the easy way out? Isn't it more saddening to know that the path that they chose isn't really the easy way? It is merely a detour, a turn that you take to run away from the main problems or issues that you are facing in life. It hurts me even more to know that there is no one showing them the right path, the right way to go and so on. It's really saddening to know this. Hurts me so much to know this, that the people around us are not really caring for each other anymore, but rather, they befriend you for the sake ofhaving a friend and having a good time. They shy away from you and think of you as useless if and when you encounter problems, they are not willing to see the world as it is, but rather through their own eyes, which the blinds are put down to hide the dark side of this world. Things that you do, they say, aiya, it's nothinglar, it's like that one geh lar, this is the usual or the typical thing to do. Can't they see that they can be different? Can't they see that they have a choice to not just be the typical person? Can't they see that they can choose to be themselves rather than just act along? We are losing our individuality here, yet we still close one side of yours eyes, to turn away from the truth.



sometimes, life is so saddening, so dry, so.... yet, if you look close enough at the little things around you, you can actually catch a glimpse of the light shining through the little things around you, the smile of a child, the joy of friendship, the beauty of the sunlight, the comfort of the slight breeze... the little things unnoticed, these are the little wonders of the world, beautiful world amidst the jungle.

PLease my frens, keep a fren of mine in prayer... his name is Kian Hong and he is suffering deep depression... keep Him in prayer as he is becoming suicidal!



PLease... Dear God...

A rainy day today it seems... another day that I will be staying in, doing nothing and maybe, reading again. Have read up a quarter of the book already. Guess tomorrow I might make a trip to the Monash Caufield library to return it. Might browse through and see what they have in the library. Maybe can borrow more later. But not so soon though as I think I have five more with me. Borrowed quite a lot of books to entertain myself from Monash Gippsland. An avid reader I am, and I won't deny it. Reading gives me pleasure, and allows me to tune out of things that sometimes bug me. I don't really read informative stuff, but rather light stuff, romances, novels, fantasy and so on.



Sian ar, isnt' there anything else that I can do. Stupid weather... raining.. wana go out oso cannot. dengzzzz

Got some pretty bad news today. It seems that I cannot rely on my uncle who is currently here on holiday (distant uncle though) to help me bring some of my stuff home. Seems like it that I would hafta send more of my things home. So sian with it liao lor.... Felt like throwing most of things away!! But then again, some of it I can't afford to throw lor. Aih, can't do much about it lar...



Been spending my day reading.. seems like I'm reading everyday. Geraldine finds that I can really read, thinks she finds me scary too. I can finish one book a day, not those thin ones.. a couple hundreds ones. I guess it's alright for me as I am used to reading. A habit instilled in me when I was young. Actually, one thing funny is that I find that my parents actually wanted to stop me from reading. They say I read too much. Weird huh!?! Keke.. oh well, parents are weird sometimes, but it doesn't mean that I don't love them.



Felt like writing something, but I guess the thought is lost amongst all else that is on my mind.

Another day has gone passed me... in 16 days I would be home back in Malaysia. Do I anticipate it? Do I yearn to go home? Or do I want to stay on? Sometimes, I do find that I want to go home, yet, a part of me is telling me to stay on, not because of the land, but of the people who are here. Some went home, I know, but yet there are others who will be staying on, will be here for a while longer too.



Went out for lunch with Pastor Tony and Hermanna today (meaning on Monday). I has such a good time chatting with them and all. Sad to know I would be leaving them so soon, would miss them sorely as they have been such good parents and such good family to me during the past year.



Haven't been doing much today, except fixing up the blog and also doing some readings. It is only at the end of the semester do I find out that there's so many good books to read from the library. Am pretty much enjoying myself though. It's been a while since I've really spent my time reading, and I guess this is a fine time for me to catch up on them. Am enjoying myself immensely :D



Not feeling so well today though. Been sneezing a little too much and so on... do hope I won't get sick. Must be due to the cold air from the car last night. Oh well, will be fine soon I guess. Am not such a weakling afterall.



Gosh, I spent quite a long time today doing up my resume. It's brain cracking, needing to remember all sort of things that I have done in my life and when I did them and my educational stuff and etc. Dengz man... What's more, I have not completed them yet. Got myself so stressed out by it. What's more, this is just a resume. I still need to write a cover letter, to search for a job and to prepare myself for interviews. Aw man, this is gona kill me man.... aih, part of life, so part of life.



Leaving for Melbourne tomorrow, staying in Caufield for a while. Do hope I'll be able to catch up with some friends of mine. Want to spend some time with them all before we all have to leave and move on in our lives. Things are gona be so different, aih, wonder how everyone would do in future. Do hope that all of us will do fine and be blessed in our lives.



Fleeting thoughts, so many things I want to write, yet too many for me to narrow down and write long. Looking around, seeing nothing, looking ahead, sensing something. Is this what I'm feeling? I also do not know...

Finally!!! I think the blog is okay liao... well, it's not perfect, but i think it's good for now... will need to add some touch up later on.. but for now... i'll stick to this fers....hope u guys like it!

(wrote this last night)

The sky is so beautiful today, such a big difference compared to the gloomy winter sky that has been bogging down on us the past few months. Such clear and beautiful sky. Tonight, it was lighted up by stars, with them blinking lightly, whispering softly to your heart to look up and feel their love. The moon, directing our paths, shining down on us, looking at us, beaming brightly, giving us a smile that is unforgettable. The sky, with it’s deep, dark and mysterious shades, yet tinted with slight blue, as though the day would not let the night come forth…draws you deeper into its depth. Amazingly beautiful. Sometimes, it felt as though He is beckoning us, look, look up and see the beauty of my creation. Yet, us all with our hardened heart, refused to see the beauty and yet complain, why the world is in such a state. Look around you, look around for the tiny things in your lives, you’ll see His love in them, you’ll see His effort to let us know that no matter how bad things are, there are little things around us which are good, good enough for us to let go of the bad. But we must let the bad ones go; else, nothing can get through. Sometimes, I wonder why things are the way they are, can’t they be changed? Can’t they be different? Yet, sometimes, it does seem that I willed them to be so, to let antagonistic thoughts to grow, making me sad, making me mad, wanting to lash at something and someone. Yet, I wonder too, why am I thinking of thoughts such as this? Shouldn’t I be looking at the beauty of things around me? Shouldn’t I think positively, shouldn’t I look at things from His angle? So many thoughts, so many directions of thoughts…

WEBSITE UNDER CONSTRUCTIONNNNNNN!!!



pls, i know it looks disgusting now.. do gime time to make the changes necessary.. in the mean time...

bear with it lar!

Yay! I've finished my exam!! It's like the final of the finals man... what a relieve. Actually I was quite stressed with the paper as I felt that I was so ill-prepared for it. But praise the Lord, I was so calm when i went into the room. And as I was looking at the questions in the paper, I find that it's not that hard either. I think I did alrite in the paper, but I have no qualms about passing it.



I'm currently in the library, scouting for books. I found heaps of books that interests me, and with Geraldine telling me that I can return them to the library in Caufield, it would be fun! At least I'll be occupied, won't be that bored lor. Aih, going down to Melbourne again, staying with my aunt. For some reason, I do not wish to, don't really feel comfortable staying with her. But I don't really have a choice lor. Oh well, there's nothing much I can do about it.



I'm like really going to leave Gippsland already, gona be so sad. :(



Happy that I would be graduating, that I will be going home

Sad to leave this place that has been my home for the past year, and leaving behind friends...

aihh.. sad lar.



OKies, I'm going home now... will continue later

Feel like writing more, but can't think of what to write. Am tired, am bored, am stressed out, am so me. Felt like taking a walk, but to where? Friends whom I can go look for aren't here anymore. Miss them all heaps.



One more paper for me to clear, and I would be home free. Yet I can't get myself to concentrate on my studies... there's so many more chapters for me to go, and I would hafta cover all of them by tonite, can die man. Did some here and there, do hope that I can remember all those that I have read and memorised to my best ability. Sometimes I do wonder if our brain can store so much information at one go anot. Exams, is it really testing our ability to know what we're studying, or are we being tested to see if who can memorise the best? Really does make you wonder. Won't deny the fact that most of us are actually studying because of the cert that we will get. It has become a necessity for us, as it is what is needed from us as we go out to seek for a job. No cert? No job, and even if you can find a job, not much of a chance of getting promoted. Heard it so much from so many people. The world has become so competitive, sometimes it makes you wonder if it's worth it anot.



Graduation, it would be really soon. Yet, sad at the same time, for none of my family members are able to come and attend my graduation. Am deeply sadden by this news. But I can't do anything to change it liao, because it's too late to do so. But then again, maybe all this is under God's plan. Should I dwell into it? Nah, don't think I want to. Just keep myself up and floating with His plans lor... whatever it might be.

Came across this as I read Elaine's blog. It's a little bit behind, but being me, I find it interesting to read people's feelings. ELaine, hope u don't mind me taking this from your blog :D Added an element or two, but yet still the same mostly.



I AM:

tired yet I can't sleep

I WANT:

to be able to graduate by the end of this year. Hopefully will be able to do well in the supp tomorrow.

I HAVE:

been laughing a little too much today.

I WISH:

that everyone around me would be happy always

I HATE:

it at times when people are not considerate of others, thinking only of themselves. Even so, I wish that they would not be so coz I can't hate people for long

I MISS:

all those who are far away from me now, those who are back home, whom I will not be seeing again for a while

I FEAR:

nothing I guess, for fear is a strong word. Yet, I do fear God, but in a good way.

I HEAR:

nothing? Not deaf, just not hearing anything for this moment, except for the songs that are playing on my comp at this moment.

I SEE:

the beauty of the place in which I am at now. I see the beauty of His creation. I see the love He has poured into this world. I see the hurt people are causing Him to feel. I see the disaster people made in this world, the contamination, the hate, the pain. I see His heart still loving when ours turn to hate. I see His longing for us to come back to Him. I still see His love...

I LOOK:

at things in my own naive way, and I am not ashamed of being so. All in all, I am still me.

I SEARCH:

for Him at all times, seeking and yearning to be closer to Him

I WONDER:

why things are like so complicated at times. Can't it be more different? Can't it be more simple?

I REGRET:

the past mistakes that I have made in my life

I LOVE:

God, family and friends.

I ACHE:

loving a person when I know he doesn't know about it. I ache when I see my friends hurting, knowing I can't do anything for them.

I ALWAYS:

wish that my friends would be able to find the right person in their lives, that they would always have joy and happiness in their lives, and also I always hope that they would like me for who I am

I AM NOT:

as naive as people think that I am. Nor am I cute! (pls, stop calling me cute okies, coz i really don't think I am, seriously!)

I DANCE:

with joy and love in my heart

I SING:

when I feel like singing, when my heart wants to cry out in songs.

I CRY:

when I feel like crying, when I can't take it no more, when I need to feel Him near me, when that is the only thing that I can do

I LOSE:

myself at times when I sing to Him

I CONFUSE:

people at times

I NEED:

something more than what I am doing now. It feels so empty, so without anything.

I YEARN:

for something more in my life, for something meaningful, for something that is for me.

Yay!! I'm eligible to take the supp paper.. now all i hafta do is concentrate on my studies so that I can sit for the paper tomorrow... wana do well in it oso leh......



still... Yay!! passed everything for this sem liao

Tired, stressed out, yet need to push on... help

Exam results are coming out tomorrow. How am I feeling? I seriously duno too, now need to start studying. Oh, I mean, must continue to study for my supp paper scheduled on Thursday. Kinda scared now, duno if I can actually like remember so many things. Aih, what can I do man.. need to push forward and continue on no matter what.



Been studying on and off these days, think I am able to remember some of what I've read and studied. Hopefully I'll be able to do it well. The paper's carrying full 100 marks, instead of the 60% in the last time. Oh well, the structure is pretty scary to me, but I think I'll be able to do it well, as long as I work hard enough and remember what I've studied.



Am pretty worried over a few of my friends. They are facing such big problems in their life right now. I do hope that they are okay. Am still waiting for the reply from one of them, have not received any emails from him for a couple of weeks now. Sometimes it's hard for them not to worry about the things that are happening in their lives, also hard for me not to worry about them at times.But seriously, one thing we need to remember is not to let worries that the better of you. If not, well forever worry about things and not living our life they way it should be lor. Sometimes I wonder, why worry when you can opt not to? I won't deny that I do worry at times, but sometimes I choose to not care so much and go ahead to do what I want and like. It does make my life happier. Think of it this way, worry or not, you still need to live your life, so why not choose to live it through happily instead of forever worrying, forever afraid?



Oh well, this is solely my thoughts and my opinion....