Sometimes I wonder when a person is insecure, is it mainly because of that person itself or is it past circumstances that made them insecure?



Chinese New Year is here and there isn't much going on in life at the moment. Have not been visiting my friends oso, coz duno leh, kinda lazy to go out these days. Yet I do want to meet up with friends. However some are in hometown and I don't have heaps of contacts of people whom I can meet up with lo. Somehow or other I think everyone's going out with other people and all lor...quite sian lo. Can't do much can we?



I find that people do change as time goes by. Experienced it firsthand. Duno why or how, just seems hard to communicate again with them. What's more I find some of the irritating me quite a bit, to the extent that I didn't have the mood and left the place the other day. Oh well, they are still friends nevertheless and I won't stop meeting up with them due to this minor issue. But I guess I will choose not to meet up with them so often, don't want to strain our already strained relationship. Maybe it's just mainly on my part, maybe we've changed, maybe we've not. I really don't know. Some things are better left alone I guess.

Wah lau eh! I'm extremely bored!!! Heeelllppppppp

It's Chinese New Year again! WIshing everyone a happy Chinese New Year and a joyous one too. Another year has passed and I hope ya all have fun and fond memories of last year.

Seriously I can't believe it. I don't think I like to drive anymore these days. The jam is so terrible. I was on the road most of the time today, running errands for my parents and meeting mel as we have to do marketing plan. I planned to meet her at 2pm, but due to the errands I was late. I thought I could reach her place by 2.30pm. I could have if it's not for jam Sunway to Summit USJ. I can't believe it, I was stuck there for almost 20 minutes!!! It's such a short distance and yet I was stuck there for so long. Seriously I don't have much of a desire to drive these days. I'm staying at home most of the time too, would rather spend my time doing chores and doing some reading or watching tele rather than be in the heat and being stuck in jams.

Want to say something, what to write the thoughts in my mind, yet can't find the words to explain, to describe. I miss Gippsland, I miss all my friends there. Though they are back in their respective countries and houses, I miss them dearly. Though promises made about meeting up and hanging out yet again, it's not an easy thing to do. Each of us are busy with our own things, and distance is another barrier. Will I be able to see everyone yet again? I do not know, I wonder...



Chinese New Year is less than a week away. Wish you all a happy and joyous celebration of this upcoming celebration. It entails visitation from friends and family too, so I do hope that everyone will be able to do some catching up at home and also with friends around you. Well, those in KL, do hope we can meet up yet again.

One yearns to serve

To do His will

Yet in doubt

Do we have the ability

Do we have the skills

Is our desire strong enough



What does it entail

Serving Him with all our heart

Will our desire be honoured?



Curious, afraid

In doubt

Thoughts swirling

Clouding, blocking

Can one decide on their emotions?

Can one change their feelings?

Can we hide it?

Can we mask it?



Feelings, emotions,

what are they?

Who made them?

Who created them?

So many thoughts running through my head these days... can't pinpoint them, can't focus on each of the thoughts. Sometimes feel so lost, so alone, so saddening to type this out, but this is what I'm feeling. Friends who read this, do not be alarmed.. it's just a natural state of mine, I am one who often like to write out my thoughts and feelings and usually after that it'll pass on.



I kinda understand why people are afraid of changes now. In the past I do not have the qualms to go to a different kind of environment and all, without qualms i would do it. This is quite obvious when I entered pre-u in sunway on my own, without any friends, and also when i enter monash in malaysia, also alone. These are some of the things I've made plans on my own and carried out on my own. Never did I ask where my friends are going, I just go my own direction. But yet now, there's this fear that's gripping me. I fear to take that one step forward, to move to a different stage in life. Do not know why it appears suddenly. I feel I'm not qualified as yet to go out to work. I am not ready, and I don't know when I'll be. I feel like a useless person at times. There's so many jobs out there that I can take up, yet I am hiding at home, away from the decisions that I have to make. Sigh..



I can't answer myself when I will have the courage to take the step, but I will continue to pray and ask God about this... for those who know me, do pray for me too, that I may have the courage to move in my life....

What's this fear I'm feeling?

What's this lost I'm feeling?

How come I can't break free of it?

Why can't I break free of it?

Wanting to step forward,

Yet sweat breaks free with this thought,

Can I truly be free from it?

Can I truly take that step?



Do I have the ability?

Do I have the courage?

Can I do it?



Doubts, fear, lost,

Conquering my heart,

Conquering my mind,

I want to be free

I want to be strong



Yet I am so weak

So fearful

Can I take that step forward?

Can I really...

Hm, been home for over two weeks and I have not done much that is fruitful. Been helping mom with housechores as usual, back to the usual things that I do I guess. My room's looking better right now, got it cleaned up a bit today. Need to further "clean" it to make it look more presentable. Sigh, guessed this is the least that I can do.



My nose is acting up again. Having sinus is such a nuisance, been sneezing heaps these days. It gets even worse when I clean up and all, as things are dusty. Sigh... nothing I can to ease it though... oh well



Gosh, I still got so many things to do...

Another has passed me by again. I’ve been home for two weeks and things are getting normal. It hit me today to know that I’ve changed a lot since I left this place. I’ve become more of myself, more me. God changed me so much the past year.



It hit me a few minutes ago, to know that God has been with me since I was a child. Ever since before I attend kindergarten He has been with me. It amazes me so much. For those who don’t know, I do not come from a Christian family. In my immediate family I am the only Christian. Yet I have had the chance to know God time and again since I was a child. God is truly a great God. He has been working in me since I was a child, so subtle, yet so prominent now. Now, at the young adult age, He is still with me and working even harder to teach me things. I won’t deny that I do falter, that I do stumble and fall short of His glory.. but He never did leave me, all through these years He never did leave me. What an amazing God, how amazing His love is. Abba Father, you truly are God. There are billions of people out there, and there’s so many who knows u as their Father, their God and yet You can be with them at all times, and through all times. Amazing…

Just wana wish all those friends of mine who has started working, all the best in your job and God continue to see you through!

Went for an interview today near KLCC. It was my first interview for a temp job and I find that the experience was interesting. Wasn't feeling very into it when we first get there, as the people there are not friendly and they don't smile at all. Nevertheless my friend and I decided to fill in the form and see how things go. I was the first to be interviewed, and being a first for me, I embraced myself for what's to come.



The interviewer too has the hostile look and so I put myself up with it. He was looking at the form which I handed to him when he suddenly asked me to tell him about myself. I was not prepared for the question, so I was blurred for a while. And me being me, I asked him back what he wants to know about me! Hahah, I think he finds it funny. Neways, I have no idea what to tell him so I told him about me just coming back from Australia after finishing the course and that I am looking for a job. Was crapping here and there, back and forth. He asked me what I wanted to ask him, so I decided to crap some questions. Neways, all in all I think I've managed through quite okay. Would be attending the training session this coming Thursday. He asked me to bring some photo for him... sigh, I have no passport photo with me to give to him lar... needless to say I will need to go take photo again!! Sianz ar!



Well, now that I've managed to gain some experience from the interview, I will prepare myself more for the next one to come, well, when they do come :D

I am listening to music heaps these days. Back to my old habit yet again. MTVs, Channel V and even the chinese radio station is forever blasting in my car and at home. Sometimes I even leave my notebook on the whole time with the winamp running.



Wonder what my working life would be like???

Whatever I've written in the afternoon is now lost due to some technical problem faced by the web browser in the afternoon. Such sad news to me.



Was writing about Josh Groban and his songs.. I am truly captivated by his voice. A guy my age can use his talent to such extent still amazes me. It really amazes me to see people using their talent no matter what age category they are in, no matter how young they are. Sometimes I wish I can be like them, not to be famous or anything, but to use the talent that God has given me to the fullest extent. Yet, I am unable to do so now. Nevertheless I do have the zeal to do so and I would try my best to do so in near future, and when I say near future I do really mean very near.



He is truly wonderful. His voice is so powerful, compelling you to listen to what he is trying to tell you through his songs. I find myself captivated truly by his song, You Raise Me Up. It bear such significant meaning. Do listen to it if you have time.