Attended a wedding today with my parents. Some relative's son got married today, hence the wedding reception. But it's not the wedding that I want to talk about, rather, it's about one of their son. A little history before I go into details.



Our family were quite close in the past, with birthdays being attended by all and lots of fun and joy. Whenever there's a party at our place, they would come over and we, as children would always chit chat and play and run around the place. AFter a while we don't meet as often, and things were just different. We no longer hang out much with each other and seldom visit each other. Yet we still attend the same high school and all. We know each other but we don't talk to each other at schools, with each of us at different age and with different groups in classes.



Bad news came a couple of years back, when we found out that their youngest child has cancer. Bone cancer it seems. Because we weren't so close anymore, I just take it as it is, that he has cancer. I knew he was quite sad and all, not wanting to see anyone and also not accepting the fact. He was attending chemo and all, the usual things u do when u face cancer. It was during this period of time that his eldest brother got married. Being relatives, we attended his wedding reception too. That was the first time after finding out that Ah Bee got cancer that I saw this aunt. Her face was full of worries and full of sadness, but yet at the same time she has to be there at the wedding reception as she is the hostess for the night. It was then that it hit me, that her child is really really sick.



Tonight, I saw his son, Ah Bee, the boy who has cancer. At first I couldn't recognise him. No longer was he the little boy that I know, but a full grown young man at the age of 18, tall and sturdy and handsome. He seemed alright and all. It was tonight too that I found out that cancer has taken one of his leg away, and now he wears a prosthetic leg. Also, tonight I found out that he is not healed, but rather the cancer has spread to his lungs. He seems alright, but I know deep inside he is fighting for his life. Such a young man, with so much future ahead of him, yet, they are blocked by this sickness that he is facing.



I just pray that God will do something, that somehow things would be better for him. I wish I stopped by and say hello to him, and say goodbye to him when I was leaving. I have so many chances to talk to him, but I did not. I do hope that things will be better for him. Dear God, do help him...



This makes me think of friends whom I know that want to take their lives away. Why can't they see, that they are so lucky, to be able to lead a life when some struggles on. They are so lucky to have received education, to have good parents and to have a future ahead of them. For Ah Bee, he does not know how long his life will be, and how he will face each day, but yet he lives on.



It makes me think about my life too, to have such wonderful and loving parents. Though I might have been hurt by them in the past, I still know that they love me and I have come to accept them as they are. I'm so privileged to be able to study till I get a degree, to be able to further my studies overseas. I'm so privileged to have a life ahead of me, for not being sick, for being alive and well and being loved by friends around. Makes me want to cherish my life more. I just hope that people will realise and be content with what they have. I just hope, I truly hope that Ah Bee will be able to live on and to be able to have a good life ahead of him. Dear God, I pray...I do pray on his behalf Lord........

I SHALL ONLY BE EDITING MY BLOG DURING THE WEEKENDS AS I AM NOW WORKING!

APOLOGISE TO THOSE WHO CONSTANTLY VISIT MY BLOG :D

Struggling with some emotions within me, duno how to explain. I wonder why too.. sigh.. sianlar, miss everyone u know. Feeling sad to know ppl like Zyan, Yan, Pui Fong and etc are going back to Australia whereas I'll be here. A friend asked me why I came back here. Now I wonder at that too....

Emotions and feeling,

Swelling up inside me,

What are they?

I wondered at them,

For I myself do not know them

Not familiar with them

Can I be strong and fight them off?

I wondered at that too

Emotions and feelings,

Holding my heart captive

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!

Bad Mood



For some reason I'm in my bad mood now. I'm getting pissed off by the little things that happened to me today. Sigh, no idea what's wrong. But really want to get over it though. I know this attitude might last till late at nite today. I feel like letting my frustration out, but I have no idea how. How I wish I could go back to training and scream and kick and punch my heart's out. But it's not to be as I have quit for so long liao. And I don't have the stamina to do so. Sigh, I wish I can fin a club where I can do so, but going back to my old club is not to be.. too many problems, political-wise, that makes it hard for me to get back into the field that I used to love so much. Sometimes I wish I was not from that club, sometimes I wish I was involved in a different sport maybe. But oh well, we can wish a lot but sometimes things are just as they are.



Something that a friend of mine told me skirt through my mind at this moment, the term PMS. No, it doesn't stand for the general meaning, but rather he changed it to Pathetic Male Syndrome. That was what he was feeling when he brought this up to me the other day. Maybe I'm feeling PFS now, Pathetic Female syndrome. Hihihi... not making sense...



Seriously I wonder if it does have to do with the sleepless that I have last nite, my feelings and emotions at this moment. Sigh, I've expected that the night would be so, as I have had iced mocha at coffee bean. Sigh... really hope that this yucky feeling would go away soon.



Got another job offer today, but I have to decline because I took up another job. Regrets? A little, but I figured I might apply for it again in the future. Maybe it will be better then. But for now, I will work at this job that I have taken up. Not sure how things will be, but I'll trust that things will be alright in the beginning. Worse come to worse I'll just quit it. I know what I want and I know that this job is just a place where I will gain experience.



Struggles, emotions

Do they link to each other?



My mind's pretty messed up right now... sigh....



Tomorrow's VAlentine's day.. wish u all Happy Valentine's ... hope you will enjoy urselves... and share ur love with the people around you, tho i know it's meant for couples.... but for those who are single... share your love around yar...

Gippy Gathering!!



Have had lotsa fun and laughter today! My goodness, that duckie so silly and farnee lor!! Hihihi, next time if i sit next to him again, I think my tummy will ache and ache lor. His crapping and his "nodding" is like sooo entertaining. But goodness, I was almost gona "nod" along with him!! Goodnesslarr... hahah....It was really fun seeing everyone again, chatting and catching up with each other. A bit sad that Yan can't join us, had really wanted to see him again before he leaves for Australia.



It was a pleasure to be able to meet with Joo's sister, Ki Suk. She seems like a nice and friendly girl. I hope she'll have fun here and that she'll be able to get used to Malaysia. And having to be able to meet up with Joo again was nice. He's still pretty much the same. The same Old Joo.. still as silly and funny and frenly as ever.



I do wish we could meet up often, to catch up with each other, and for those going back to Gippy, to at least meet up once a year again, or when ever they are back. It'll be good lor...



For those looking for a job, all the best, and for those going back to Gippy, take care and have a good and safe journey to Australia alrites... will miss u all dearly! Do remember me ar!!

Another day has passed. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. Wonder if i'll really have time for myself anot tmw. But then again...

How to love people? How to love the people around you? I have no idea

I had a great time today! Met up with Yan and Samson and Mel today for some super late lunch. It was really nice. Zyan couldn't make t to join us, but it's alrite I guess, super busy! We were at Kim Gray cafe. It was the first time that Mel and I was there. Never knew such a place existed before this. It was cool place for us all to hang out. We have so much fun chatting and laughing and catching up with each others. Samson's hair is shorter than last time, makes him look so young! haha, rili looked like Mel's and my didi lor... as for Yan, he still looks the same. So nice to see them lar....all the jokes, the funs and the laughter ... such good memories.. yeap, Yan, let's hope we'll be friends forever! It's not kiddo lor.. coz it's not easy to find such chemistry between friends, and being with u guys makes me happy and I'm glad I have gotten to know ya all.



Might have another gathering next week, with more people. I do hope that we'll be able to meet up again before they leave for Gippy again. So gona miss them heaps! WEIII..... let's have gatherings often ok! When u come back make sure we meet up again alrightssss....



Oh yar.. hafta point this out.. we were chatting when one of those gippy returner says this, " no need to lawn the mow"... hahah.. i didn't catch it at first, but mel had a funny face on her. When she repeated the phrase, it registered to me, and we all burst out laughing! That's a funny one "you know who you are".. keke....

Went for another job interview yesterday. The job's a killer man. It's like I would end up working everyday of the week and also till late nights. Though I might be able to meet a lot of people and learn, I find that I cannot torture myself to the extent of only involving in my work and nothing else. I have no idea how other people does it but I cannot. For one thing, I want to reserve weekends, both for rest and also for church. What's more, I have to reserve Friday nights too as I might have practice whenever I am needed in church. I salute those who are so hardworking and strong mentally and physically, those who are able to fully commit themselves in their job.



Sad thing is my parents are so worried about me not being able to get a job that they are willing me to try anything there is. I guess maybe I do have expectation, for I do not want to get myself involved in certain things. However, I trust that I can and will be able to get a job that is suitable to me, hence I will be patient and not rush into anything.



It's so sad to know that a few of my friends are going through some very tough times. My heart aches for them. I don't know how to comfort them, but I will them not to do something stupid. MY friend told me this last night, "Aih, even if I die, it won't affect you, you might not be able to hear the news too as it might not reach you. Even if you do hear, all you say is what a waste, for this is how you feel if someone our age commits suicide." That is the saddest thing that I've ever heard a friend says to me. Reason being what he said is not true. Though I might not have been a good friend, for not always keeping contact with him, he has always been a true friend to me, one of those whom I can talk to and communicate well. He always has a lot to share with me, of his life, of everything. IF something were to happen to him, I will be devastated. It's hard to explain how my emotions runs when he was saying that to me. I was totally sadden by his statement, so much so cried at that very moment. I don't know how to let him know that it will greatly affect my life, to the extent that my heart will break. How can I show him that for me, suicide is not a waste in his case, but rather, a devastation to my heart and my very soul. At this moment, I can only pray that God will intervene, to help him see that things will be better in time. I wish so much that he too can grab hold of God's promise that better things will come his way. How I wish that he wil reach towards God and seek Him. I don't want to see him go down to the other road, to turn his back from everything. My friends ask me this, "why can't I be selfish and step away from everything" Why can't I be selfish when even the gods are selfish, taking away all my things?" I so want him to know that there is one God who ain't selfish at all, such a generous God that He willed His Son to die on our behalf. Yet, I don't want to come on so strong to the extent that I push him away. Please, friends and brothers and sisters, do pray for this friend of mine, that his soul may find relieve, and that God will reach out for him.



Father, I can only pray for this friend and for his soul. Please Lord, save him from his devastation, for his sadness. Reach out and touch him, reach out and heal his broken heart, his broken soul FAther. Oh Holy Spirit, speak of the Father's words into his heart and let him see the world in your eyes. Lord Jesus, save this child with your blood please.... save him...

I don't update my blog as often as I did in the past. For some reason I don't feel like writing as compared to last time. Am I growing out of this phase? I wonder... yet, writing is something that I love to do most, especially to write from the bottom of my heart. It is the one way in which I could express myself better. I'm not really good when it comes to talking, nor am I that good in writing, but I guess I am use to writing what I feel, hence it makes me better in writing than in talking.



Sigh, I'm crapping again. Well, time to update myself I guess. Went for an interview recently. It went alright I guess. Funny thing is that I wasn't worried about it at all. I guess I was too frustrated with the road condition that I wasn't bothered with the interview. I was caught in traffic jams at two areas which is not suppose to have jams! Seriously, Malaysian drivers need to be educated. Either that or the system will hafta change. I do hope that they will change, as it will mean less traffic jams, better drivers, less accidents and etc. Sigh, why does bribery exist so much in this country. Sometimes I find myself losing faith in the system of this country. Traffic police and its history of bribery (which, btw, they are still making this history), driving schools and its bribery. We were talking about this the other day, my friends and I, and one of them mention this: "The government holds the road campaign every year in hopes that accident rates will be reduced, but it never happen. And it will never happen unless the system changes, if there's no more bribery in driving schools and the driving exam board. If the system doesn't change, nothing will change." My friend said that Mel and I have become more critical after having been back overseas. And I won't deny this. There's such a vast difference between Australia and Malaysia. I do not wish Malaysia to be exactly like Australia, but I do wish that things are better here as I do love Malaysia and I don't want it to be a country that leaves bad impression. Bribery is alive and is everywhere. I do hope that people will come to realise the bad side of it and will come to terms not to accept bribery. Unless the government is willing to change its root, I guess it will continue to be alive and will continue to spread.



Having been overseas has truly open my eyes to see that the norms here shouldn't be a norm at all. I always say this when there is a mention of traffic police and bribery, "Aiya, it's like that one geh lar, the police set up road blocks and all because it's the season for them to get bribe money." I wish one day that I won't have to say this out aloud, but rather I could be proud of the Malaysian police for its efficiency. Will this become a reality? I guess I will have to see