ARGGGHHHHHH!!!! can someone please please kill me. I am so not in the mood to study liao! I don't know why, but I am quite stressed with my studies.. it's not like I havent started at all, what's more I'm actually studying earlier compared to the past two and a half years in Monash. Yet, I feel so drained, so without energy to carry on, to continue on with my studies? Is it because it's my final semester here? Does it play a part in why I'm feeling what I am feeling right now? This is one justification that I can't give.



For some reason it's just not in me to study my business marketing? I do, on purpose avoid studying it. I just can't stand it for some reason unknown to me. Is it too hard? The answer is actually no. It's not really hard, but there is a lot of things that I need to cover, to study and etc. Aih, so sian with it liao...... kill me arrr....... arghhhhhh

Think I would be procrastinating this afternoon. For some reason I cant get myself to concentrate on my studies in the afternoon. I think it's my down timelor. Yeap, there's such thing, and I guess most people know it too. My peak time is during the morning and nite, but then again, I'm left with nite as I sleep the morning off! kekeke... oh well, what to do, I'm nocturnal too. For most of us here, I think we're nocturnal lor. Hang around the net till late at night, but of coz got study oso lar.



DIe man, there's so much to read for my law. So much so until I duno where to start. Makes me blur only lar. Now reading contract, boring lar. but then cannot not read it as it's different from the ones that I studies in the past. Well, not totally different, just that it talks about contract on the net instead of documentation of contract. Oh well, at least I still remember some of the basics of business law, so guess it'll help me oso.



Studiessssssssssssss..... arggghhhhh... kill me ar! how can i get myself to sit down and study and concentrate yar? Can someone tell me how??? How??? HOWWWW>??????



hm... okok... relax... breath in, breath out.... must relax... cannot tense...



kekek.. oklar.......... all the best ya alll

Exam is just around the corner. It will officially start in a couple of days' time! Goodness, quite shocking as this sem seems to fly off, leaving me running after it. Should I be panicking? Should be rushing myself to study? I really don't know. Somehow some part of me refuses to pick up the book and start studying. Yet I know if I don't do it, it'll jeopardise me. Don't worry, I'm already starting to make notes. Yet, I am still afraid that I won't be able to catch up, to remember what I'm studying.



To all my friends, I wish you all the best in your exams. To those who are worrying and stuff, slow down and take things slowly. Don't make yourself panic like me.. I'm slowing down too, trying to catch up at a slower pace. Don't worry as I know you all can do it!

Jiayou and Gambateh!!



Sem's coming to a closing, time to part is getting nearer too... just want to let you all know that you all mean a lot to me and I thank you for being my friend, for not minding me as your friend, and thank you most of all for all the memories you've given to me.

It's really amazing to know that God can do wonders for you. Today was the last Shine meeting for me, in guess some ways it is the last day of Shine for me in this campus. I'll be leaving after this year and I might be going home to Malaysia lor.



I came here, being blur, not knowing if I'll be able to adapt, not knowing if I'll be able to know friends. But you know, when I first made the choice to contact Leon and to attend the first Shine gathering, things began to change in my life. I get to know more people, people who love God and who seeks to follow Him. Though things are really different from back home, it amazes me that God would bring us all together, all from different backgrounds, from different countries, churches and so on so forth and joined us all together in One Spirit and one love.



It amazes me that we can just get together to worship the One God, so many differences, yet when we come together for this one purpose, we became one.



Today during the shine praise and worship, Chris sang a song that made me teared up. The minute i know what he's going to sing, my eyes were already wet. This song means a lot to him, and I would know why. Everyone who heard the song before would understand why. Don't give up, don't ever give up because someone rili loves you and cares for you. The lyrics hits you in your face and your heart. Sometimes we would find that we're struggling so much and so hard about things that we forgot that we don't really need to, all we have to do is just cry out for Him. I have been struggling for the past week about some issues. It comes to the point that I hated myself for being so and for fighting it. But on Sunday, I made the choice, together with Hermanna, to let it go, and to leave it at Jesus' feet. Ya know, in that instant, I know things would be ok. Praise the Lord, for my spirits are lifted and I am quite myself again, the always smiling, always silly girl. Dont' give up because you're struggling, don't give up thinking that no one cares, coz there is... He cares, He knows what you're going through. Just ask HIm and He will give you what you desire, what you need. Be strong knowing that He will help you to when you are weak. He loves us so much, yet He doesn't push us, He wants us to come to Him by our own will.



Today's sharing was really good. The past year has been great even though there's ups and downs. He lifted us up and gave us strength to carry on. I know in my heart that I have such amazing friends here. So true and so real. I don't have to worry if there's something else. I didn't share today, coz I know I would be crying non stop if I do. But you know, I believe we all know each other well enough to know what we're thinking during that time. Really really thank God for the friends he's given to me. Really thank God for His patience with me. I know I am stubborn at times, not wanting to listen to Him and not wanting to let Him help me. But His patience breaks me, making me open up, surrendering my all to him. He truly is a God who loves me.



To many of my friends who's reading this, though we might not have the chance to meet again, I just want to let you know I truly truly cherish you and I truly truly love you. The memories we've made the past year will forever be in my heart and soul. KNow that I will never forget you. Thank you for your acceptance of me, for your love and care you've shown me. Thank you

Feelings and emotions can really take hold of you. For some reason it kept on bugging me, making feel sad and off. Felt guilty that my friends hafta bear with my attitude and desolation these days. But I duno how to make myself happy again. Why do issues always bugs us when we don't want them to? Sad to say it's been bugging me for too long and I can't handle it anymore lor. It's not like I will go and kill myself and stuff like that, just that like, it's holding me so tight I find it hard to breath.



Telling my friends about it also doesn't help much. Coz they are not me and I am not them. They can give me advice and stuff but it's still up to me to decide whether to pursue the advice they give me. It's not that I don't want to but I think it's more like it's hard for me to handle it lor. I tried heeding their advice, but it's like... still nothing happens.



Might be my own fault for keeping on dwelling on this issue and not letting it go. I did try to let go but it just didn't work lor. How? Wat am I supposed to do? I'm quite sian over this issue liao lor. It doesnt help much lor. Damn pissed off at myself for being so.



Yet... I'm still so vulnerable :(

Today was the performance and I rili rili thank God and praise Him for all that He's done. So amazing!! It's like, we did everything in a week's time, practice, getting the songs together and so on. One week. Though I don't know how everyone feels about the performance, I felt that it ran quite smoothly. Really thank God for the strength He's given all of us to make this successful. For all of those who went for the performance, thank you for being there and helping us make it a success.



Really felt in my heart this is one of the purpose God put me here in this place, to be a part of these people and to reach out to them. Thank God for giving Joo the idea in the first place.



Ya know, this is a really one time performance as most of us would be leaving this place really soon and it would be hard for us all to come back together and sing and performance as a group again. Would really cherish this moment we had together, such beautiful and good memories.

Ya know, the month of September is really memorable to me. I know I havent been blogging on a regular basis but i would want to record some important events that took place.



I went to tulip farm and melbourne showground on September 20th. The place was quite amazing. Though the flowers werent fully bloom it was still quite beautiful. I have never seen such beautiful scene in my life before. It would be even more breathtaking if all the tulips were fully bloom. Nonetheless, still love it. Took some pictures, quite like them, but quite sad that I didnt bring my own camera.



Later that day, we went to melbourne showground. I guess it's because the company was good, so I did enjoy myself. I went to seat on the kamikaze. Yeah... die.. keke... it was so scared while on that thing, waiting for it to turn 360 degrees. I was screaming till my voice was turning hoarse, it was quite scary. Don't even know why I was on that thing in the first place. I was sitting with Chris, and was closing my eyes. He was screaming oh shit oh shit all the way. it was quite funny actually... keke... but then he started nudging me to open up my eyes (yes, i was so scared that i closed my eyes). Well, I did, and i started screaming all over again!! it was scaryyyyy... arghhhhh.... yet it was exhilirating. Keke...



Later we were just walking around, playing the games that were there and stuff lor. I played golf. My dad would be happy if he was there with me. He had been trying to get both my brother and I to play golf. But sad to say, I din get to win anythinglor. Keke, but it shows that I still remember the techniques that I've learnt when I was back in Malaysia. keke.. fun.



WAs quite tired when we got in from Melbourne. Think it was 11 something, near 12. And coming home brought a surprise. My friends from Melbourne came down. Well, I know they were coming but I din know that they would be celebrating my birthday with me. So it came a surprise when at 12 ish, they presented me with a cake! Really am happy coz they came all the way from Melbourne to do so. It was fun. Though I know only one of them (the rest are his friends), yet, they just celebrated my birthday like that. REally am glad and happy.



I had a great time during my birthday, with my church friends celebrating it with me, with close friends taking their time to come to my place to celebrate it with me, (thanks mel, thanks elicia) and the ISA celebrating it with me. I actually have had 4 cakes during my birthday. And furthermore, a friend took me out for dinner. I was really happy and touched by their love and care for me. So thank God for the friends that I have here. Well, I won't deny that I miss my family during this occassion, with it being my 21st birthday. But they really made it up for me lor. REally am glad and thankful.



Here, I would like to thank everyone who have made my 21st birthday such an enjoyable one. Thank you for being my friend and thank you for being there for me when I needed you guys. Love you guys heaps. Would really miss ya all when I go off end of this year. Such memories for me to cherish and to hold on to and to love.

went to melissa's site and found an interesting pyschology game, so i gave it a try. turns out I'm a musical thinker... kekek



Musical thinkers:

Tend to think in sounds, and may also think in rhythms and melodies

Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.

Feel a strong connection between music and emotions



Like many musical thinkers, Leonardo loved to sing, and had a fine voice



Other Musical Thinkers include

Mozart, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix



Careers which suit Musical Thinkers include

Musician, Music teacher, Sound engineer, Recording technician



hm... can say tat i am lor... i do feel a strong connection between music and emotions lor...and i do love to sing. guess it's true qua. but my career choice is so far from the ones recommended leh.. hm.. oh well :D i've made the choice, so i'll stick to it