A recap of life

Doing a recap here on my working life as a Consumer Insight Planner... wondering about certain things.

I've been here for almost six months after quitting ME. Basically as a market researcher, you do a lot of things and know a lot of things along the way. Things that may not be in the market right now, you know it, you've analysed it and you even played a part in further enhancing it. I've learnt:

1. that interviews are not as easy as it seems. Some people can talk, but they are also empty cans, if you know what I mean.

2. handling group discussion is even worse! It means there is this big group of people of which probably 1 or 2 are empty cans, yet they can sway the crowds! I'm not looking forward to doing groups... but I have a feeling it will be very soon.

3. It is not easy when you deal with an emotional supplier. Worse still if he blames you for HIS mistakes and divert all these negative emotions to you.

4. handling a project, be it in a group or on your own is never an easy task. So many things to check and to look into, I've yet to master it, but from a huge mistake, I guess I've learnt.

5. dealing with internal colleague as a senior is not easy. You cannot be too friendly nor too rigid. Too many a times I'm being ill-treated by colleague, and kinda peeved at it. Though she/he is older than me, but that does not mean I cannot give out tasks for them to do, yet it's overlooked and when I ask them to do task, they replied saying "wah, sounds like you're giving command". Not only that, they are just blatantly not helpful. Things are going crazy in the office, yet, their attitude is I don't care... sigh... still learning on how to deal with them right now.

6. working in a small firm is tougher than in a bigger firm. Here, you handle everything, from stage 1 to stage 10, with less assistance. It's awfully tiring when this happens, because it's NOT easy doing things on your own. Knowing myself, this is really forcing me to learn to do things on my own rather than in a group. Maybe God is doing something here, but who knows.

7. An eccentric boss really means an eccentric working environment.

8. to be flexible and adaptable. I guess this comes with the sms from an eccentric boss who just drop things on your lap and even tell you to fly within the week to certain destination.

9. that I'm quite a workaholic. Is it because of the working environment. I'm not sure, but I do know that I've been working a lot since Leong left. It's much worse because I'm the only researcher in the Malaysia office and I have to handle everything. More work to do because there are still a lot that I do not know and it's tough trying to handle everything from A to Z.

10. that though I do like what I'm doing right now, I'm quite drained by it. Am feeling the pull in the sense... church needs to be put off because I'm not around. Can't totally commit to serving in fear that the boss would want me to go/fly somewhere. Can't go to prayer meeting at all because it's on a weekday and I'm usually working late in the office as I'm rushing projects.

Am I cut out for this job? I know that if I want to succeed in this field, I can. But am I willing to give up church and free time just to reach to the top? Sometimes people say, hey, you don't go church doesn't mean that you are not close to God. Church is just a building... etc... yes, I agree with that. But there is also a need for us to fellowship and all. And because I don't attend cell group, Sunday service is my time in fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ in church. Also, having to serve in both worship and youth ministry, how am I going to do that if I'm not physically present? Not only that, there is this innate need for me to be in church borne not out of myself but, I believe, from God.

I guess I really need to retreat and seek God for an answer to this. Again, I am willing to give up my job because I never believe that we live to work... well, except for God :) But this working is borne out of my free will and not enforce.

The world forces us to conform to it, but I don't want to. Some people may say, hey, you're changing job again! It's really bad for your resume. Well, that is true... but I hope that people would understand that there are reasons for my changes and I'm not job hopping for fun or giving up when things become tougher. Certain changes are required as we grow older. If I were to slave myself to work now, who's to say what my life would be later on. Working hard now may entail me to a good life in this world, but ... there's more to life than having a good life later on. My life is from God, and I don't think He demands any less from me from what I want to give Him. Why? Because my love for Him is greater than wanting to live a life of relaxation and happy-go lucky. I'm definitely not perfect, I have my flaws and I am still learning to walk in Christ. But borne out of me is this desire to do what He wants me to do. I'm sure a lot of us do, I'm not saying that those out there don't. This is me and my personal desire...

My job is not my life and I never want it to be. But as this job is forcing my life to conform, I need to set aside and step back to see the overall picture.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, I pray that you will keep me in prayer as I seek God in this. It is never easy to share with people the need to change job because some may not understand and offer very realistic advice and opinions. But I guess the opinion that I seek is only God's and I will continue to learn to turn to Him in this.