Still Pondering, Thinking.. Should I Decide Now?

At this point in time, I roughly have an indication on what I want to do as my next step.  But then again, by saying it out loud, it may be the end of things.  Dilemma strikes me once again at this point.  I don't know whether what I am thinking, or the thoughts that I've pieced together is altogether right, but the inner me, the instinct part of me is telling me that this may be it, and this may be the reason for what has happened.  And me, being the logical me, did come to a conclusion that since it is due to this, it is not wise to hold on to it any longer.  Why not let go and be a blessing to others?  Yet, one part of me struggle to let go, because a part of me still cherish, still care, still hope that things would be better.

I guess this is the dilemma that one need to go through.  At the moment, I don't know what to hope for, and I don't know what to look forward to.  The only thing I know is to learn to really let go, be obedient to God's direction and trust in Him no matter what.  And since, He did tell me that things would be okay, then I need to trust Him that it will be alright.

I might act on my instinct, on my logic, but what is holding me back?  That I guess, is what I need to bring before the Lord. And that, I guess, I need to give myself some time too, and God some time too, for me to seek Him whether it's the right step to do, and for God to reveal it to me in accordance to His time.

My dear friend, I know you are worried and concerned about me.  I know you hope that I would handle this swiftly and not let it withhold me.  But I hope you understand that this is not as simple as it is.  Logic is always there, but when emotions comes into play, this is where, I believe wisdom comes in.  Please do not be critical nor keep questioning me on this.  Rather, I hope that instead of advises (which I do not wish to hear at the moment), could you just be there to listen? It's okay not to say anything, because what I need now is not words, but rather, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and a presence to be there during this difficult times.  I do love you my dear friend, but I need you to be more empathetic towards me during this time.  Thank you for reading, and for listening....