The simplicity of love, overclouded by the demands of humans, is sometimes seen to be something that is hard to seek. In this world where we live in, it seems that love is about how much a person can provide for you, what the other person can give you, what the other person is willing to spend on you. Living in these days whereby materialism seems to be the dominating factor, the simplicity of love seems to be hidden from us. Human, I find, tend to see love as something that one can gain from, not something that one can give with no expectation in return.
I’ve seen love where one demands the other to be of a certain way, where one demands the other to change, where one demands another to give, where one constantly wanting to only receive, wanting to only take all the while selfishly keeping themselves at a distance. I’ve seen love where manipulation is the key player; love where both parties put each other down so much and yet they do take in the abuse (yes, I see this abuse), love where one says, I’ve got no say because he/she is like that; I cannot voice out my thoughts or opinion because of the way he/she is. I’ve also seen love where the other party became so weak just because of love, where she is no longer the person that she was.
I am not saying that love is wrong, but yet, I believe that when one love, therein involves a sense of giving from both parties, a manner of respect for both parties, a sincerity of heart from both parties. I’m not out to offend, but just to share my thoughts on love.
Love is beautiful, love is pure, love is simple, yet many times you see love being twisted to suit that particular person, and it can definitely be the heavy kind too. We tend to twist it and say, I’m doing this because I love you, and I’m saying this because I love you, if you love me, you will… Things can get quite crazy sometimes. Go figure.
Living in Asia itself tells of a different kind of story too. Asian culture isn’t helping when it comes to love, because our parents grew up in a life where words of love are not spoken, but words of reprimand and words of putting down others seems to be so prevalent. I know, because I grew up living under this kind of love. A love that doesn’t praise if you do well, rather, it seems to be expected of you. Yet, a simple mistake not only attracts hurtful or reprimanding words, it also means that little bit of piercing in your heart. I know this because I grew up with this kind of love. Mind you, it’s not that I don’t love my parents, I love them dearly, but it’s sad to know that they aren’t able to profess their love to their children (my sibling and I) in a loving manner. I believe too, this is a generational thing, because our parents grew up knowing only this kind of love and thus, it is through this kind of love that they show to their kids. Something to think about eh, a generational issue. Well, that in itself will be something to blog about at another time.
Back to love; 1 Corinthians 13: 4-9; 13 never fails to amaze me in its definition of love.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
It’s easy to read the above and say, woah, but I believe, love in perfection is great! But in reality, many would say, “nah, it’s too hard”, “if I love like that, I’ll only be hurt at the end” , “even in love I should protect myself” and etc. I’ve also read in the other extreme whereby, “aiya, it’s ok that he’s scolding me or stopping me from going out, it’s just him”, “he always scold me, but I can take it’ and etc.
Back to the simplicity of love; if both parties are able to trust each other, able to protect each other, choose not to put themselves before their loved ones, keeps no records of wrongs, I believe one will be able to fully love each other, and that itself is the simplicity of love. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Knowing that He chose to love us for who we are, we ought to also learn to love like Him. What’s more, we are created in His image. Without love, we will live in a world full of hate. Can you imagine peace in such a world? I honestly cannot.
I’m not talking about perfect love, because we are imperfect and we are living in a world full of imperfection. I’m talking about the willing to love simply, to love how we are loved, to love others for who they are, to love ourselves for whom God created us to be, to love as God loved us. I’m not asking you to be perfect, but even as we learn to love the way love is as stated in 1 Corinthians 13, I believe we will love in a whole different level. When we choose to love as written in 1 Corinthians 13; I believe this love will change not only the person we love, but also ourselves too. What is love if we only expect the other to change? Love changes us because life overflows out of love. Hope overflows when we love. Peace overflows when we love. We may not be able to love as wholeheartedly, but any attempt that we take is a change too.
Bear in mind, we need to make that change ourselves first before anything else. How can we love others well if we don’t love ourselves well? How can we see what love is if we don’t even love, respect and cherish ourselves? If we are able to love ourselves first and foremost, I am sure that when you choose to love others, it will be a different kind of love too. Nonetheless, loving oneself does not mean loving only self and satisfying only self. That, in turn is called selfish love. Yet, if we choose to love ourselves as what’s written in 1 Corinthians 13, I believe it will bring love to a different level for ourselves and for those around us.
Love is not just a feeling, but it is also a commitment. It’s something you work at, and not just relying on your own feelings contrary to what the movies tell you. Love, work at it, learn it and spread it.
May the Good Lord’s love continue to envelope you dearly as you learn to love yourself and to love others as He love us.
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