What to Write???



Wanted to write something but I can't remember what I wanted to write. Oh yar, I was looking through my blog and suddenly it occurred to me that it's been over a year since I've started blogging. Time really does fly. I've changed a lot during the past year, my thoughts, my approach, how I see life and etc. Some changes greatly, others mildly, but changes did happen.



The times in Australia was of great peace to me. Such peace to the extent that I cannot even grasp the generosity that God poured out into my life that year there. Before and after was a big change, things ain't as well as it seems I would admit that. But I thank God for the chance to feel the peace that I felt when I was. His timing is immaculate and perfect, no one could doubt that. Friends came in like flood, and along the way we became family rather than friends. Bonds grew stronger and stronger as time flies. Even though we are far apart, yet the bond is still in existence. Sometimes I have the urge to just cry out and grasp that bond once again, but I realise that the bond that exist is so special that it's hard to find a new one again.



Life can be so empty without that bond, without that reaching out. So hard at the moment, friends who used to be so close now seem so different. I've changed since I came back. I felt a little colder, felt a little heartless. Sigh, I can only pray and hope that I won't be too adapt to it. Sometimes I wish the warmthwill embrace me totally, that I will not be the person that I think I am becoming. Deep reminders for me at times like this is the fact that I was once filled with total warmth from friends who became family, so much so that it engulfed me and brought me higher and higher.



I was asked recently, who is your inspiration. It hit me that I have no one who inspire me. Inspiration came out of the inner me, from the strength that I've built by myself. Yet, a little persistent thought kept coming. I can say that it's the Holy Spirit who inspire me. He is the one who showed me what is right and wrong, my inner voice I call Him. It was Him that kept bugging me when I am about to make the wrong choice. He is the one that continue to be with me even when I do wrong. Such great heart He has. I truly thank Jesus for this gift that He's given to me.



The song by Juwita Suwito titled You in Me speaks deeply to my soul. I don't need to prove myself, just need to show and tell it's You in me. I realise that I can't live without Him, so empty, so nothing without Him. I wish that there's someone out there who can help me to be closer to Him. It's so hard when even the church I am going to ain't helping much. So dry, so thirsty for something more. sigh...I can only rely on Him... can't do anything else...for I am totally His.....

I wonder, do we have to make compromise at work? Must I change the way I handle things to suit people? Why can't I be myself? Am I too aggressive? Are my words too sharp that people can't take it? Am I handling things wrongly? I seriously wonder.



Makes me wonder, must I join in the politic games in the company? I'm so used to not being liked by people, so heck care..but it makes me wonder, am I, being myself, that annoying? Sigh, I wish things were like last time, simple and direct. It seems that being direct is also a problem in workplace. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a player. I am never a player, be it in school, in work and etc. I am myself, and it seems that it annoys people too. Wish I don't have to work, but have the chance to praise God always.. that will really make my day...sigh, but reality is reality, we gotta face what's coming I guess...

It suddenly occured to me that the name of "Jesus" lasted for long, for so many years. Lots of other names died off for years, and yet His lasted for over 2000 years. Amazing