Oh the delight of my heart
The delight of my heart is in You
That I may learn to walk with You
That I may learn to yearn for You
That I may yearn, to seek more of You in my life
A life without You
A life of hopelessness
A life of emptiness
A life of hollowness
A life with You, oh Lord
Is a life of abundance hope
A life of fullness of joy
A life of full of peace
A life full of love
Looking to You, you are my strength and my portion
My hope in times of needs
My guide as I walk through this life
Oh abundance is in You
Oh, the abundance of Your love
Oh, the abundance of Your blessings
How Great is Your Love oh Lord!
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Wanting to Write Again
YFeeling at a crossroad again. This time, it's not about work, but about ministry. Uncertain if I should continue when I feel burned out. I'm feeling the strain after having come back out to the "world" to work and deal with the things that happens in a corporate environment.
Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful to God that I am able to find a job after so many months. What I am feeling is the strain between balancing ministry life and work life. I'm tired looking at the things that is happening right now. Many of us are so busy with work life and right now, church seems to be having so many things which requires the involvement of the worship team that we come to the point where I want to say, I don't think this is working. Yet, there isn't anyone else voicing the same thing. We say one thing and we do another thing. Sometimes I wonder, is it worth it? What is the whole purpose of worship? What is the whole purpose of what we are doing now? Are we just doing it for the sake of doing it? Or are we putting ourselves out there and trying to be so many things and do so many things that we lose ourselves along the way.
I love worship. I really do. But how do I balance it? Is life just a series of choices where it's either work or it's ministry? I don't always believe that. I guess the ultimate question to this is, is Jesus at the centre of your life right now? Is it because he no longer is the centre that I am facing this struggle? A question that I have to say, I'm afraid to answer, and I guess, being afraid, I kinda do know the answer to it. Balance, life long skill of balancing with God in the middle.
Lord, help me to do so. I have come to the point I have to say, I'm done with this struggle Lord. The ministry is yours and yours alone. I am but a mere steward of this ministry. I can't make people do things that they don't want to, so I come to you right now in prayer, revive this ministry Lord. May the people who serve you have the passion to do so. May the people who is passionate about worship, uses that passion to serve you. I pray that Lord, you will unite this ministry together and may we have the same vision and same direction. Lord, I look to you for help and I know that you will reach out your hand to me. I have faith in that. So once again, I commit this ministry into your hands. You know the best. May we be stretched and be expanded so that we can be versatile and flexible.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful to God that I am able to find a job after so many months. What I am feeling is the strain between balancing ministry life and work life. I'm tired looking at the things that is happening right now. Many of us are so busy with work life and right now, church seems to be having so many things which requires the involvement of the worship team that we come to the point where I want to say, I don't think this is working. Yet, there isn't anyone else voicing the same thing. We say one thing and we do another thing. Sometimes I wonder, is it worth it? What is the whole purpose of worship? What is the whole purpose of what we are doing now? Are we just doing it for the sake of doing it? Or are we putting ourselves out there and trying to be so many things and do so many things that we lose ourselves along the way.
I love worship. I really do. But how do I balance it? Is life just a series of choices where it's either work or it's ministry? I don't always believe that. I guess the ultimate question to this is, is Jesus at the centre of your life right now? Is it because he no longer is the centre that I am facing this struggle? A question that I have to say, I'm afraid to answer, and I guess, being afraid, I kinda do know the answer to it. Balance, life long skill of balancing with God in the middle.
Lord, help me to do so. I have come to the point I have to say, I'm done with this struggle Lord. The ministry is yours and yours alone. I am but a mere steward of this ministry. I can't make people do things that they don't want to, so I come to you right now in prayer, revive this ministry Lord. May the people who serve you have the passion to do so. May the people who is passionate about worship, uses that passion to serve you. I pray that Lord, you will unite this ministry together and may we have the same vision and same direction. Lord, I look to you for help and I know that you will reach out your hand to me. I have faith in that. So once again, I commit this ministry into your hands. You know the best. May we be stretched and be expanded so that we can be versatile and flexible.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Digging Deep
It is easier to run and to avoid, to not dig deep and look into myself. Yet Lord, circumstances, or maybe even You, are asking me to probe deeper. I am not sure Lord of what I would find inside. I am scared, I am afraid, I am uncertain, I am vulnerable. Yet on the other side of the tunnel, I know Your light shines even brighter, reaching out to me, calling me, yearning for me to draw even closer to You.
Lord, help me oh God to ask the questions that I need to ask. Help me to see what I need to see, help me to go into myself so that I can come back up alive and well, stepping into a deeper trust with You. Help me to see and fight, and know that my vulnerability will only draw You closer, the pain that I may and will experience will only pull me closer to You rather than anything else Lord.
Lord, help me oh God to ask the questions that I need to ask. Help me to see what I need to see, help me to go into myself so that I can come back up alive and well, stepping into a deeper trust with You. Help me to see and fight, and know that my vulnerability will only draw You closer, the pain that I may and will experience will only pull me closer to You rather than anything else Lord.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I am reminded
Today, I am reminded to give thanks to God no matter what happens in my life, no matter what I am feeling at this point in time, no matter how difficult things or how wonderful things may be. For the past week, I realised that I was choosing to be critical, to be mean, to be nasty and what not. This is because I was feeling miserable, feeling upset, feeling down and all. Yet through out the week, God, through His word and through the devotion I was doing, reminded me the importance of giving thanks.
This morning, even before practice starts, though we were late to start and all, I chose to give thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him that morning with all my brothers and sisters. I wasn't feeling it really, and I could've allowed whatever I was feeling through the week to bring me down, to make choose not to do my best for God. But I chose to remember what God was trying to tell me, and to give thanks to Him. I gave thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him, for the opportunity to sing for Him. I gave thanks for the freedom that we have in worshipping our Lord without fear. I give thanks for the freedom to lift up my voice and to lift up my hands and to be able to freely proclaim His name to people around me.
Even right now, I choose to give thanks for being able to write this post, to have internet to post it and to share with those who are interested in it. I truly am grateful.
I guess sometimes, we, living our lives everyone, threading on that path that we think will lead us to a better life, we forgot to stop, reflect and thank God for those little things that He has blessed us with. Sometimes, along my life, I do have to admit that, thinking of what I want and dwelling on all those big issues and worries of life, I forgot to thank God for those blessings He have placed along my path.
Lord, thank you for your wonderful and timely reminder. Forgive me for always criticising, thinking of the bad side of things, being negative and even being sarcastic. Help me once again to be positive, to be reminded to give thanks at all times. Change me oh Lord I pray, and make me anew once again in You. I pray this simple pray from the bottom of my heart in the name of my wonderful Lord and Saviour, Jesus... Amen
This morning, even before practice starts, though we were late to start and all, I chose to give thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him that morning with all my brothers and sisters. I wasn't feeling it really, and I could've allowed whatever I was feeling through the week to bring me down, to make choose not to do my best for God. But I chose to remember what God was trying to tell me, and to give thanks to Him. I gave thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him, for the opportunity to sing for Him. I gave thanks for the freedom that we have in worshipping our Lord without fear. I give thanks for the freedom to lift up my voice and to lift up my hands and to be able to freely proclaim His name to people around me.
Even right now, I choose to give thanks for being able to write this post, to have internet to post it and to share with those who are interested in it. I truly am grateful.
I guess sometimes, we, living our lives everyone, threading on that path that we think will lead us to a better life, we forgot to stop, reflect and thank God for those little things that He has blessed us with. Sometimes, along my life, I do have to admit that, thinking of what I want and dwelling on all those big issues and worries of life, I forgot to thank God for those blessings He have placed along my path.
Lord, thank you for your wonderful and timely reminder. Forgive me for always criticising, thinking of the bad side of things, being negative and even being sarcastic. Help me once again to be positive, to be reminded to give thanks at all times. Change me oh Lord I pray, and make me anew once again in You. I pray this simple pray from the bottom of my heart in the name of my wonderful Lord and Saviour, Jesus... Amen
Friday, September 24, 2010
God; The Navigator of My Life
The devotion from Our Daily Bread on my birthday hits the mark:
This is again a moment that God made me realise that He is in control of my life. I thinking through some matters in my life and I do need guidance from Him. Three days have passed since my birthday, yet God still wants me to revisit this devotional article. What a reminder from Him, to remember that He is indeed the navigator of my life.
As I come before You tonight oh Lord, I trust that You are navigating my path even right now. I cast my concerns, my worries and my burdens in Your hands. Grant me Your peace that is beyond this world as I learn to make the right decision and take the right path in my life. Thank You once again, for Your wonderful reminder that I can trust You with my life, no matter what the journey may be for me. All these I give thanks to You, in Christ's beautiful name I pray, Amen
As I come before You tonight oh Lord, I trust that You are navigating my path even right now. I cast my concerns, my worries and my burdens in Your hands. Grant me Your peace that is beyond this world as I learn to make the right decision and take the right path in my life. Thank You once again, for Your wonderful reminder that I can trust You with my life, no matter what the journey may be for me. All these I give thanks to You, in Christ's beautiful name I pray, Amen
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thank You for a Wonderful Birthday Celebration....
You know, there are people who asked me what did I get today as a present. I would say this, I received affirmation of friendships from my friends and numerous blessings from them just from their simple wish of birthday to me today. You see, it's not the material things that matters, but a lot of times, it's the intangible things such as friendship. Like faith in God, I cannot see it, but I know I have faith and hope in Him who gave me life. Likewise my friends, we may not see each other often, but you know what, thank you! for being there during those seasons of life that we have spent together. Some may be short, some may be long, but know that I do cherish your friendship because you are a gift from God to me through the different seasons of my life. Maybe for some, our paths may never cross again, but one amazing thing about technology is that it bridges the gap between us. Maybe we may never meet face to face, but knowing that we are connected still via facebook, I think, that's amazing right?
So, once again....
THANK YOU!!!
Love always...
Dear Lord, thank U for my friends who have been there for me in the past, for those who are here for me right now, and for those who will be there for me in the future! I pray that U will bless them abundantly as they have blessed me through their friendships!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I want to Seek More of You Oh Lord....
This song... of all songs.... is my prayer to You oh Lord. This is that one moment in my heart that says, oh Lord... I want to melt in Your peace.... this is that one moment in my life again... that moment that I was searching for...
D The more I seek You A The more I find You Bm The more I find You G The more I love You Chorus: D I wanna sit at your feet A Drink from the cup in Your hands Bm Lay back against You and breathe G Feel Your heart beat D This love is so deep A It's more than I can stand Bm I melt in Your peace G It's overwhelming
Monday, August 2, 2010
Moment
It is right at this moment where God is so real. It is right at this moment that I am blown away by the wonders of my God. I am amazed, so amazed that I am speechless. Oh Lord, U are truly such an amazing God. Who am I really, that U would choose me? Oh Lord my God, U, truly, truly are so amazing. This is the moment that I want to capture, the moment when U touch me, the moment when U reminded me of who I am in U.
U, even before I was named, even before I was born, already have such an amazing name for me. I am touched by Ur grace, each and every day, and oh Lord, may I be a reflection of Ur grace in my life. May people who see me, sees Ur grace me in and through me, find Ur grace in their life too. May people who see me, finds favour in Ur eyes.
I pray oh Lord, that I may continue to be the vessel U use to expand Ur kingdom, not a kingdom of war, but of grace. It is by Ur grace that we are saved, and by Ur grace we find life, by Ur grace we find peace and hope in this life that we are living.
U, even before I was named, even before I was born, already have such an amazing name for me. I am touched by Ur grace, each and every day, and oh Lord, may I be a reflection of Ur grace in my life. May people who see me, sees Ur grace me in and through me, find Ur grace in their life too. May people who see me, finds favour in Ur eyes.
I pray oh Lord, that I may continue to be the vessel U use to expand Ur kingdom, not a kingdom of war, but of grace. It is by Ur grace that we are saved, and by Ur grace we find life, by Ur grace we find peace and hope in this life that we are living.
Blessings, love, peace.....
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The meaning of my name
A friend was asking me to help her do a search for a name for her nephew and I was giving some suggestion when I thought, why not give my name a search?
Whilst doing a search on my name; it seems that my name's origin is from Hebrew. Woah, that blows me away. I mean, come on... God, You must be joking right? That was my thought initially. The meaning?
Sue = Hebrew origin which means Lily (pretty flower? graceful? I remember dancing lily)
A = Hebrew origin which means grace/ favour (God, are you kidding me? grace? lily; to me is associated with grace, so the stunning effect of my name)
Faint, God, You never fail to shock me eh? I never knew that the totality of my name carries Your grace and favour. I've seen Your favour in my life, I've seen Your grace, and accepted it in my life. But to know that Your grace and favour follows me even before I knew You... that, I am speechless.
That's my second stunned moment by the way.
Third one coming up. In chinese, my middle name is pronounced as "shu". My friend explained to me this; your name means, virtuous. Gentle and virtuous. I never realised that my chinese name and my english name tied together so well. It's like God is speaking to me through my name. For I am the Lord Your God, you have found favour in me, and I have granted you grace. Be the woman that I have called you to be, gentle and virtuous (Proverbs 31).
Oh Lord my God, You truly know me. Even before i was in my mother's womb, you have already called me by my name. You know me even before I was born. Who am i to doubt God? Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name? But yet Lord, You've shown me again and again that You favour me and You love me. Thank You Lord for Your grace, because it is through Your grace I have life.
Lord, I seek Your will and through this, I realise one thing. Your will for my life is to be the woman You have made me to be. A woman living her life to reflect the grace You have poured into her life, whose favour is found in You. A woman described in Proverbs 31, not perfect in that sense, but striving to be the woman whom God has called me to be.
Oh, how majestic that You are. Praise You oh Lord my God for You are worthy, so worthy to be praised.
Whilst doing a search on my name; it seems that my name's origin is from Hebrew. Woah, that blows me away. I mean, come on... God, You must be joking right? That was my thought initially. The meaning?
Sue = Hebrew origin which means Lily (pretty flower? graceful? I remember dancing lily)
A = Hebrew origin which means grace/ favour (God, are you kidding me? grace? lily; to me is associated with grace, so the stunning effect of my name)
Faint, God, You never fail to shock me eh? I never knew that the totality of my name carries Your grace and favour. I've seen Your favour in my life, I've seen Your grace, and accepted it in my life. But to know that Your grace and favour follows me even before I knew You... that, I am speechless.
That's my second stunned moment by the way.
Third one coming up. In chinese, my middle name is pronounced as "shu". My friend explained to me this; your name means, virtuous. Gentle and virtuous. I never realised that my chinese name and my english name tied together so well. It's like God is speaking to me through my name. For I am the Lord Your God, you have found favour in me, and I have granted you grace. Be the woman that I have called you to be, gentle and virtuous (Proverbs 31).
Oh Lord my God, You truly know me. Even before i was in my mother's womb, you have already called me by my name. You know me even before I was born. Who am i to doubt God? Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name? But yet Lord, You've shown me again and again that You favour me and You love me. Thank You Lord for Your grace, because it is through Your grace I have life.
Lord, I seek Your will and through this, I realise one thing. Your will for my life is to be the woman You have made me to be. A woman living her life to reflect the grace You have poured into her life, whose favour is found in You. A woman described in Proverbs 31, not perfect in that sense, but striving to be the woman whom God has called me to be.
Oh, how majestic that You are. Praise You oh Lord my God for You are worthy, so worthy to be praised.
Oh Lord
Oh Lord, even when life tries to overwhelm, even when trouble seems to be so huge, even when there isn't peace felt deep in the heart, I pray oh Lord, for Your grace and mercy, for Your peace and assurance, for Your hope and love. I don't understand why some people act or react in the way they did, nor do I understand why they only allow their emotions to overwhelm and caused others hurt through their actions, but oh Lord my God, I keep my eyes toward You oh Lord. Help me to look beyond and see them as how You see them. Help me to look beyond and realise Your love for them. I want to learn to love them and learn to understand them as how You do. May You oh Lord, continue to work in them so that they may once again turn their eyes towards You and see You as how You see them. I know You have great plans to prosper them and to use them for the expansion of Your kingdom. I pray oh Lord, for You to be the Lord of their lives.
Oh Lord, we believe, help us in our unbelief....
Oh Lord, we believe, help us in our unbelief....
Monday, May 24, 2010
Dilemma In Life
What would you do when life throws you a curve ball? Do you go along with it, dodge it, let it hit you in the face? This is one question that I am still struggling to answer at the moment.
Lord I pray that you will show me and guide me on how to go about it. It's tough, but I betcha nothing's ever gonna be tougher than you dying on the cross for me. For now, I'm thankful for this curve ball and I await eagerly to hear your voice on this.
In Jesus' most wonderful name I pray, Amen.
Lord I pray that you will show me and guide me on how to go about it. It's tough, but I betcha nothing's ever gonna be tougher than you dying on the cross for me. For now, I'm thankful for this curve ball and I await eagerly to hear your voice on this.
In Jesus' most wonderful name I pray, Amen.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Grandma's Here
Today mark the first day that Grandma is staying with us. Since her stroke, she seldom come over, as she is now crippled on her right side. Some of the things I note of my grandma, is how considerate she is of us. Although she is tired from the long hours of not sleeping the whole day, she refused to go to bed. We thought that it was because she wanted to watch tv, but noticing that she was yawning, I prodded her. In her lack of vocabulary since the stroke crippled her, she pointed to her wheelchair and said that she will sleep there. Further prodding reveals that she refused to go to bed because she does not know that we brought her bed along with her and thought that it was a new bed. She don't want to dirty it, thus she restrained herself from sleeping. I wonder if that's the case since this morning, as my aunt said she was awake the whole day. It's heart wrenching for me to see her like this, yet I am so amazed by the strength, the care and the consideration of my grandma.
Whilst I went in to check on her, I saw that she was still wide awake. My dad says that it's probably cause she is missing my uncle, aunt and my cousins. It's really sad to note that your son who has been taking care of you is now leaving to go overseas. I'm sure she misses them dearly, for my uncle is a very jovial yet mischievous guy, always disturbing my grandma and making her laugh. It's because of his "naughtiness" that has helped my grandma to improve on her speech. I'm really going to miss them. It'll be different when reunion dinners or family gatherings is without one family.
It's the start of taking care of my grandma. She is old, at the ripe age of 93 now. Although she may not have many years on to live, but I do thank God for the opportunity to care for her. It's because of her that I am the way that I am right now. She brought us all up single handedly whilst our parents (my cousin's as well) were out working hard for us. I still remember that when I was a kid, I had to run after my grandma, chasing her to go to the market. Imagine, a grandma who could walk so fast that even a kid have to run after her. That's who my grandma is. She showed so much love and care to her grandchildren, faithfully caring for us and watching over us. I will not ever forget those Saturdays whereby she will walk me to my taekwondo classes faithfully in the afternoon. Mind you, we were a big bunch of family, with all the uncles and aunties and their kids living under the same roof. Yet, she took the time to care for each of us. She will always hold a special place in our hearts.
Dear Lord, I pray that U will continue to watch over my grandma. I love her dearly, and I know U do as well. And I know that U could feel the pain of this family as well, seeing her the way that she is. We truly love her as much as she has loved us. Although sometimes it hurts that she could not remember who we are, but truly, we are thankful that she is alive still and is still blessing us with her presence. Oh Lord, open my heart and eyes to the lessons that U want me to learn from caring my grandma as a family. Bless her oh Lord, as U have always blessed me. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Whilst I went in to check on her, I saw that she was still wide awake. My dad says that it's probably cause she is missing my uncle, aunt and my cousins. It's really sad to note that your son who has been taking care of you is now leaving to go overseas. I'm sure she misses them dearly, for my uncle is a very jovial yet mischievous guy, always disturbing my grandma and making her laugh. It's because of his "naughtiness" that has helped my grandma to improve on her speech. I'm really going to miss them. It'll be different when reunion dinners or family gatherings is without one family.
It's the start of taking care of my grandma. She is old, at the ripe age of 93 now. Although she may not have many years on to live, but I do thank God for the opportunity to care for her. It's because of her that I am the way that I am right now. She brought us all up single handedly whilst our parents (my cousin's as well) were out working hard for us. I still remember that when I was a kid, I had to run after my grandma, chasing her to go to the market. Imagine, a grandma who could walk so fast that even a kid have to run after her. That's who my grandma is. She showed so much love and care to her grandchildren, faithfully caring for us and watching over us. I will not ever forget those Saturdays whereby she will walk me to my taekwondo classes faithfully in the afternoon. Mind you, we were a big bunch of family, with all the uncles and aunties and their kids living under the same roof. Yet, she took the time to care for each of us. She will always hold a special place in our hearts.
Dear Lord, I pray that U will continue to watch over my grandma. I love her dearly, and I know U do as well. And I know that U could feel the pain of this family as well, seeing her the way that she is. We truly love her as much as she has loved us. Although sometimes it hurts that she could not remember who we are, but truly, we are thankful that she is alive still and is still blessing us with her presence. Oh Lord, open my heart and eyes to the lessons that U want me to learn from caring my grandma as a family. Bless her oh Lord, as U have always blessed me. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Realisation
I realised that:
- life is complicated, because we complicate it ourselves
- we faces expectation from others, because we have expection of others as well
- love is beautiful, yet many times perversed by men (women) (think point 1)
- that greed breeds discontentment. Think of marketeers helping greedy companies to grow; they do up advertisements to breed wants and needs that leads to discontentment with our lives
- when one complains, one never realise that the complain will only breeds anger and bitterness in oneself
- it's better to shut up to gossips and complaints because it just will hurt rather than love; be it ourselves or towards others
- love is love; you can't say that you love yet you cannot love as a whole
- the ability to love is a blessing to others
- the ability to give and bless others is a gift in itself
- grace is borned out of love
- grace is everywhere, it's just a matter of opening your eyes and seeing it
- when life hands you a rotten apple, you can plant it, let it decompose and be a blessing to other plants
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Never Cease to Surprise Me
God really never cease to surprise me and I am utterly amazed by His surprises. To think that He is all knowing, to know all things that happened in life and to be able to use His servants to verbally articulate pinpoint and articulate all that's within me, I really, truly am touched. Well, I won't say that things are settled and down with. There are a lot more things in which I need to go through and to examine in my life in order to gain that emotional healthy spirituality that I need in my life in my walk with Him. But what I do know is that He has open up the path for me and all I need to do now is to really, seek Him, learn to share with Him, learn to examine myself with Him and to allow Him to work through me. I want to break that Wall that's stopping me from going further. In order for me to do so, I will need to examine myself inwardly so that I will be able to grow outwardly.
Lord, thank U for opening the path for me. I pray Lord that I will follow through this opening in which U have allow me to step into, and I pray that I will be able to gain that freedom U would want me to gain. Thank U Lord Jesus, for Ur constant reminder that I am not going through life alone, that U are always with me, that U will never leave me nor forsake me. Even though there are times in which I feel alone, I feel lonely, I feel isolated, I know U are there with me. It may be that things are so chaotic in and around me that I cannot hear that quiet whisper of Urs. Teach me oh Lord to learn to enjoy the solitude and silence in life, so that my ears will be attune to Ur quiet whisper. Lord, U are wonderful, and I cannot stop praising U for being such a great God to me. U are just, so, so amazing oh Lord, just so so wonderful, so focused in Ur love for me and for those around me. Lord, break my pride I pray, and do not allow my ego to edge u out of my life. Rather, teach me humility, so that in my weaknesses, in my vulnerabilities, and in the every emptiness of me, that U will shine through me. May Ur face continue to be reflected and shine through me oh Lord. More of U and less of me oh Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN
Lord, thank U for opening the path for me. I pray Lord that I will follow through this opening in which U have allow me to step into, and I pray that I will be able to gain that freedom U would want me to gain. Thank U Lord Jesus, for Ur constant reminder that I am not going through life alone, that U are always with me, that U will never leave me nor forsake me. Even though there are times in which I feel alone, I feel lonely, I feel isolated, I know U are there with me. It may be that things are so chaotic in and around me that I cannot hear that quiet whisper of Urs. Teach me oh Lord to learn to enjoy the solitude and silence in life, so that my ears will be attune to Ur quiet whisper. Lord, U are wonderful, and I cannot stop praising U for being such a great God to me. U are just, so, so amazing oh Lord, just so so wonderful, so focused in Ur love for me and for those around me. Lord, break my pride I pray, and do not allow my ego to edge u out of my life. Rather, teach me humility, so that in my weaknesses, in my vulnerabilities, and in the every emptiness of me, that U will shine through me. May Ur face continue to be reflected and shine through me oh Lord. More of U and less of me oh Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sometimes, during the dark hours of night, there will come a point in time where my heart is moved. There is an intricate desire for me to write. About what, that is something that I wonder too. Yet, the innate need and desire does not dissipate even though I do not know what to write. It seems that the minute I sit down in front of my computer, or in front of my journal, words flow and sentences take place.
I don't like to admit it, but this moment, the moment right now, is one of those moments. I have no idea what's going to come out of this, but what I do know is that God is stirring me to write and to release all that's within me into words. I'm not seeking for approval of men, but the desire is strong and writing now is a form of therapy and a form of outreach of God to me, which I yearn.
What's there to write now? A sense of emptiness seems to be wanting to engulf me, to pull me deep into its recesses and not allow me to come back out again. Day in, day out, there is such a struggle inside of me that seems to want to drown me. At times, I am able to fight it and come back up to catch a single breathe. Other times, it seems to be such a driving force to push me deep down, rendering me unable to climb out of its pit of darkness. Oh, how true what Paul say in Romans 7:15... "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it."
There's so many things that I know I ought to be doing and those that I ought not to be doing, but yet, I continue to do them or not do them. Emotions are good, but yet, sometimes, I allow all rational to kick me in what I need to do, and yet, these rationales, when unable to withhold my emotions, allowed the full force of my emotions to break free without reign. I'm scared Lord, of my uncontrollable emotions at times. I'm scared Lord, for my years ingrained rational in my life. I don't want either to take reign in my life Lord. Will You take that place in my life once again. Lord, I am thirsty. Will you allow me to sip from your foundation once again? Will you allow me to drink Your water, so that I may never thirst again? Will You allow me to drink from the water You offer to me, and allow this water to turn into a spring of water welling up to eternal life? Oh Lord, how my soul yearns for You. Yet, Lord, I continue at times in hardening myself again You. Oh Lord my God, forgive me oh Lord for the stubbornness in me, for the hardness of my heart. I pray Lord, that You will soften me once again. Lord, I seek solace in You for all the hardships in my life. I give glory and thanks to You for all the pleasures in my life. I thank You Lord for life, for You gave me a voracity to live a life so full, doing things that brings me pleasure. Teach me to continue to be ever thankful for all things in my life. I know I'm not always grateful, but Lord, Your grace, Your mercy, renewed everyday comes pouring even right now into me, and I want to thank You for that. Oh Lord, I pray for Your grace and mercy to continue to cover me, and may Your love oh Lord, continue to be my leading steps everyday of my life.
Although I may be very tired, drained, jaded, not wanting to feel, but Lord, soften my heart that You want prune out things that You do not want to take place in me, and plant those lil seeds that You will to take place in my heart. I trust You oh Lord, be my guidance oh Lord...
I don't like to admit it, but this moment, the moment right now, is one of those moments. I have no idea what's going to come out of this, but what I do know is that God is stirring me to write and to release all that's within me into words. I'm not seeking for approval of men, but the desire is strong and writing now is a form of therapy and a form of outreach of God to me, which I yearn.
What's there to write now? A sense of emptiness seems to be wanting to engulf me, to pull me deep into its recesses and not allow me to come back out again. Day in, day out, there is such a struggle inside of me that seems to want to drown me. At times, I am able to fight it and come back up to catch a single breathe. Other times, it seems to be such a driving force to push me deep down, rendering me unable to climb out of its pit of darkness. Oh, how true what Paul say in Romans 7:15... "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it."
There's so many things that I know I ought to be doing and those that I ought not to be doing, but yet, I continue to do them or not do them. Emotions are good, but yet, sometimes, I allow all rational to kick me in what I need to do, and yet, these rationales, when unable to withhold my emotions, allowed the full force of my emotions to break free without reign. I'm scared Lord, of my uncontrollable emotions at times. I'm scared Lord, for my years ingrained rational in my life. I don't want either to take reign in my life Lord. Will You take that place in my life once again. Lord, I am thirsty. Will you allow me to sip from your foundation once again? Will you allow me to drink Your water, so that I may never thirst again? Will You allow me to drink from the water You offer to me, and allow this water to turn into a spring of water welling up to eternal life? Oh Lord, how my soul yearns for You. Yet, Lord, I continue at times in hardening myself again You. Oh Lord my God, forgive me oh Lord for the stubbornness in me, for the hardness of my heart. I pray Lord, that You will soften me once again. Lord, I seek solace in You for all the hardships in my life. I give glory and thanks to You for all the pleasures in my life. I thank You Lord for life, for You gave me a voracity to live a life so full, doing things that brings me pleasure. Teach me to continue to be ever thankful for all things in my life. I know I'm not always grateful, but Lord, Your grace, Your mercy, renewed everyday comes pouring even right now into me, and I want to thank You for that. Oh Lord, I pray for Your grace and mercy to continue to cover me, and may Your love oh Lord, continue to be my leading steps everyday of my life.
Although I may be very tired, drained, jaded, not wanting to feel, but Lord, soften my heart that You want prune out things that You do not want to take place in me, and plant those lil seeds that You will to take place in my heart. I trust You oh Lord, be my guidance oh Lord...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tired & Jaded
There just seems to be so many things happening in my life, so many issues that involves me or is related to me, so many things that requires my attention and commitment. I've come to the point Lord, where I just want to cry out to you and say, Lord, I give up. I don't want it anymore, I just don't want to deal with it, I just don't want to have to face it ever again. Maybe that is why I want to ask you, please open up a door for me to move on, to step forward oh Lord. I totally do not have the heart anymore, I do not have the desire anymore. Things just keeps piling, keeps stacking to the point where I'm utterly at loss. I'm no longer wanting any of those responsibilities. Do take it away from me for a while. I just want rest, will you teach me how to find rest in you? How do I find you for your strength? How do I find you for your love?
Oh Lord, hear the cry of my heart, hear my despair oh Lord, hear my hunger oh Lord for your peace and rest... hear me oh Lord I pray...
Psalm 39:12 ~ "Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were."
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Pondering
Life definitely has its... thing. I'm not very fancy with words, but the ease of me writing is merely all about expressing my thoughts and emotions at the time of my blogging. Right now, there is this feeling that this is my blogging moment, a time where I write out my emotions and my thoughts. Yet at the same time, I feel that there are some things that's too private for me to share here.
Life has not be easy for me for the past few months. There are things that has happened that made me feel extremely down. There are things that made me anxious and there are ongoing things in my life that made me to rethink about a whole lot of things. Granted, being mere human, I do try to avoid thinking too much about some of them, but yet, at this moment, I think, life is at a standstill as I ponder... what is the next step to take, what is that next thing that I should do, what is that next point I should head to.
God is still good during these times, even though in some ways, I'm avoiding, not wanting to think, He has been faithfully and patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. I know I'm struggling, and I don't actually know how to step out of this struggle that I am facing, but I do know He is there waiting patiently, allowing me to figure things out, allowing me to come to a point where I would say, You know what, I'll turn this to You, I'll place it in Your hands.
In some ways, I am still holding on, I've not fully let go. I'm still waiting, I'm still trying to see how things would be like. I do wonder sometimes, if I'll ever move on. Can I actually take that next step? Do I dare to take the next step and move on? This is one of my struggles. Because of my belief that there's always hope no matter how bad the situation may be, I guess I'm still hoping, standing still at this point in life as I ponder with hope against hope on my future.
Many people said that I am an optimistic person, one that is always so strong, one who can face anything that comes her way. You know what, I am not actually that strong, I'm not sure either if I am that optimistic. I am just like any other girl, who have her struggles , who tries her very best to survive in this ever evolving world. I have my moments of weakness, but I place hope in God to be my strength, I have my moments of despair too, yet in my despair I try my hardest to grab hold of Him who gives me hope.
Life, I believe, is never easy. Yet, I am able to be alive, to have the chance to live a life because God gave me life through His son. Even though I know that I am struggling at this point, even though at times I am at loss at what I want to do, what is the next step for me, I honestly can only say, I will try my hardest to place my hope in You. Even though I am struggling right now Lord, I know You can see my struggles and that You are with me. Teach me oh Lord, to learn to let go and let You take charge and take care of me and my struggles. I place my hope, against all hope in You. My future may be unknown right now, but allow me oh Lord, at this very moment, at this very point in time, to just say, I trust You Lord and I know that You will help me pull through this very struggle that I am having.
I guess I am hitting a another level in life, one where I need to learn to be decisive of things... Lord, in my everyday moments, grant me I pray, a little of your grace and mercy, so that I may learn to live each day in You...
Life has not be easy for me for the past few months. There are things that has happened that made me feel extremely down. There are things that made me anxious and there are ongoing things in my life that made me to rethink about a whole lot of things. Granted, being mere human, I do try to avoid thinking too much about some of them, but yet, at this moment, I think, life is at a standstill as I ponder... what is the next step to take, what is that next thing that I should do, what is that next point I should head to.
God is still good during these times, even though in some ways, I'm avoiding, not wanting to think, He has been faithfully and patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. I know I'm struggling, and I don't actually know how to step out of this struggle that I am facing, but I do know He is there waiting patiently, allowing me to figure things out, allowing me to come to a point where I would say, You know what, I'll turn this to You, I'll place it in Your hands.
In some ways, I am still holding on, I've not fully let go. I'm still waiting, I'm still trying to see how things would be like. I do wonder sometimes, if I'll ever move on. Can I actually take that next step? Do I dare to take the next step and move on? This is one of my struggles. Because of my belief that there's always hope no matter how bad the situation may be, I guess I'm still hoping, standing still at this point in life as I ponder with hope against hope on my future.
Many people said that I am an optimistic person, one that is always so strong, one who can face anything that comes her way. You know what, I am not actually that strong, I'm not sure either if I am that optimistic. I am just like any other girl, who have her struggles , who tries her very best to survive in this ever evolving world. I have my moments of weakness, but I place hope in God to be my strength, I have my moments of despair too, yet in my despair I try my hardest to grab hold of Him who gives me hope.
Life, I believe, is never easy. Yet, I am able to be alive, to have the chance to live a life because God gave me life through His son. Even though I know that I am struggling at this point, even though at times I am at loss at what I want to do, what is the next step for me, I honestly can only say, I will try my hardest to place my hope in You. Even though I am struggling right now Lord, I know You can see my struggles and that You are with me. Teach me oh Lord, to learn to let go and let You take charge and take care of me and my struggles. I place my hope, against all hope in You. My future may be unknown right now, but allow me oh Lord, at this very moment, at this very point in time, to just say, I trust You Lord and I know that You will help me pull through this very struggle that I am having.
I guess I am hitting a another level in life, one where I need to learn to be decisive of things... Lord, in my everyday moments, grant me I pray, a little of your grace and mercy, so that I may learn to live each day in You...
Friday, March 5, 2010
Nearing That Time of the Year
It’s nearing that time of the year again for me. The time where, yes, all of us will face. There’s no way you can escape it, well, unless you pass on, that is. It’s nearing the date where my mother brought me to this earth! Yes! It’s my birthday….
My gosh, I am already in my late 20s and entering into it even further as 21st September comes. Living life as long as I’ve done, I truly do wish to reflect on my life up till now and really, be thankful for the countless blessings that God has poured upon my life:
1. Thank God for giving me life
2. Thank God for a loving and caring family
3. Thank God for a caring and wonderful and growing church
4. Thank God for S, who loves me and cares for me
5. Thank God for always providing me with jobs all through my working years and allowing me to grow well in my career
6. Thank God for friendships that continue to grow and span further than I could ever imagine
7. Thank God for the many opportunities, those that I can explore and grow further in my life
8. Thank God for providing financially to me, especially when times are really tough
9. Thank God for all those hard times that I’ve encountered all through the years, whether they are big or small, because they have shaped me to be the person that I am right now
10. Thank God that I am given more opportunities to grow in my walk with Him, as well as opportunities for me to grow in my work and in life
11. Thank God that I am able to enjoy music even till right now, especially singing. If it’s not for Him, I guess my passion for singing died long time ago
12. Thank God for the peace that I have in my life, and the assurance that He is always with me and will always provides me with a peace that this world could never ever give me
13. Thank God for the opportunity to serve Him in Cambodia for the mission trip, because it really makes me realise how blessed we are in this country
14. Thank God that I have the freedom to profess my religion in my country
Looking back and reflecting my life, I really do have a lot of other things to give thanks to God. But since those are private to me, I shall keep it between Him and me for now.
As one gets older, one, I guess, tends to be reflective of things. Many things in life, I wish I did not do, I wish I did better, I wish I’d never come across even. But one thing for sure, in every season of my life, even during the best and the worst times ever, Jesus has always been wish me. And for that I am truly, truly thankful. Never could I imagine a life without Jesus. And having encountered such a situation where I could not seem to find God no matter where I look for Him makes me realise all the more that I cannot NOT have God in my life.
Jesus, I truly thank you for the wonderful life you have given me and I look forward to my future with You. I place it into Your assuring hands, knowing that in every season of my life, you will be with me and you will bring them to pass. Thank you for continuing to love me even when I was not lovable, even when I was disobedient to you. Thank you for showing me the way, the way to life, the way to you and the way I should live my life. Forgive me oh Lord, for the wrongs that I have done, for the wrongs that I may have done unknowingly. I look forward to knowing more about you, and to draw closer to you. Praise be unto your name, the most wonderful, powerful and loving name, forever and ever. Amen.
So, anyone wana buy me a new camera?? hahahaha…oh well….
My gosh, I am already in my late 20s and entering into it even further as 21st September comes. Living life as long as I’ve done, I truly do wish to reflect on my life up till now and really, be thankful for the countless blessings that God has poured upon my life:
1. Thank God for giving me life
2. Thank God for a loving and caring family
3. Thank God for a caring and wonderful and growing church
4. Thank God for S, who loves me and cares for me
5. Thank God for always providing me with jobs all through my working years and allowing me to grow well in my career
6. Thank God for friendships that continue to grow and span further than I could ever imagine
7. Thank God for the many opportunities, those that I can explore and grow further in my life
8. Thank God for providing financially to me, especially when times are really tough
9. Thank God for all those hard times that I’ve encountered all through the years, whether they are big or small, because they have shaped me to be the person that I am right now
10. Thank God that I am given more opportunities to grow in my walk with Him, as well as opportunities for me to grow in my work and in life
11. Thank God that I am able to enjoy music even till right now, especially singing. If it’s not for Him, I guess my passion for singing died long time ago
12. Thank God for the peace that I have in my life, and the assurance that He is always with me and will always provides me with a peace that this world could never ever give me
13. Thank God for the opportunity to serve Him in Cambodia for the mission trip, because it really makes me realise how blessed we are in this country
14. Thank God that I have the freedom to profess my religion in my country
Looking back and reflecting my life, I really do have a lot of other things to give thanks to God. But since those are private to me, I shall keep it between Him and me for now.
As one gets older, one, I guess, tends to be reflective of things. Many things in life, I wish I did not do, I wish I did better, I wish I’d never come across even. But one thing for sure, in every season of my life, even during the best and the worst times ever, Jesus has always been wish me. And for that I am truly, truly thankful. Never could I imagine a life without Jesus. And having encountered such a situation where I could not seem to find God no matter where I look for Him makes me realise all the more that I cannot NOT have God in my life.
Jesus, I truly thank you for the wonderful life you have given me and I look forward to my future with You. I place it into Your assuring hands, knowing that in every season of my life, you will be with me and you will bring them to pass. Thank you for continuing to love me even when I was not lovable, even when I was disobedient to you. Thank you for showing me the way, the way to life, the way to you and the way I should live my life. Forgive me oh Lord, for the wrongs that I have done, for the wrongs that I may have done unknowingly. I look forward to knowing more about you, and to draw closer to you. Praise be unto your name, the most wonderful, powerful and loving name, forever and ever. Amen.
So, anyone wana buy me a new camera?? hahahaha…oh well….
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Psalm 1
Psalm 1: They are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whole leaf does not wither - whatever they do prosper.
The Lord blesses those who choose to delight in the Law of the Lord and choose to meditate on His law day and night. This person ~ establishing his/her foundation in the Lord, choosing to be soaked in God's word and choosing to be delighted with this choice. Clearly, the joy of the Lord is upon Him. He who hungers the word of the Lord shall be fed and be blessed. The word of God is like the stream of water, for from God flows the spring of life. When we choose to meditate on God's word, we get soaked, so wet with God's word that we will never ger dry! Jesus is the water of life. If/ When we choose to drink from Him, we shall never be thirsty! And God will bless that person by:
- not getting thirsty ever
- propser that person's life (financially, spiritually, in all aspect). Actually, prosper because spiritually God has filled us.
Chaff - straw/ hay cut up finely
Another definition: worthless matter; refuse.
So the wicked are like a worthless matter; to be thrown away, blown away - that's why they would not even be before the Lord. They have been thrown out already! God says: "But the ways of the wicked will be destroyed..."
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Letting Go...
jaesonma “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” #LOVE http://tinyurl.com/m7s2pn
It is still love even when after you let go. For when you let go, you're letting God take care of the person/ matter which you are holding on to. For me, it's tough, definitely tough to let go, but really, I'm learning to let go and let God take care of it. No matter what, I know I can do this through Christ who gives me strength.
Lord, as I take each day to slowly let go, I pray that you would wait each day to take it from me... Grant me grace and mercy each day as I learn to let you take care of me, of my worries, of my concern, of those that I am constantly worried about. May your will be done in my life....
Love; letting go, is also a way of love....
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