Delight of my Heart

Oh the delight of my heart
The delight of my heart is in You
That I may learn to walk with You
That I may learn to yearn for You
That I may yearn, to seek more of You in my life

A life without You
A life of hopelessness
A life of emptiness
A life of hollowness

A life with You, oh Lord
Is a life of abundance hope
A life of fullness of joy
A life of full of peace
A life full of love

Looking to You, you are my strength and my portion
My hope in times of needs
My guide as I walk through this life

Oh abundance is in You
Oh, the abundance of Your love
Oh, the abundance of Your blessings

How Great is Your Love oh Lord!

Wanting to Write Again

YFeeling at a crossroad again.  This time, it's not about work, but about ministry.  Uncertain if I should continue when I feel burned out.  I'm feeling the strain after having come back out to the "world" to work and deal with the things that happens in a corporate environment.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful to God that I am able to find a job after so many months.  What I am feeling is the strain between balancing ministry life and work life.  I'm tired looking at the things that is happening right now.  Many of us are so busy with work life and right now, church seems to be having so many things which requires the involvement of the worship team that we come to the point where I want to say, I don't think this is working.  Yet, there isn't anyone else voicing the same thing.  We say one thing and we do another thing.  Sometimes I wonder, is it worth it?  What is the whole purpose of worship?  What is the whole purpose of what we are doing now?  Are we just doing it for the sake of doing it?  Or are we putting ourselves out there and trying to be so many things and do so many things that we lose ourselves along the way.

I love worship.  I really do.  But how do I balance it?  Is life just a series of choices where it's either work or it's ministry?  I don't always believe that.  I guess the ultimate question to this is, is Jesus at the centre of your life right now?  Is it because he no longer is the centre that I am facing this struggle?  A question that I have to say, I'm afraid to answer, and I guess, being afraid, I kinda do know the answer to it.  Balance, life long skill of balancing with God in the middle.

Lord, help me to do so.  I have come to the point I have to say, I'm done with this struggle Lord.  The ministry is yours and yours alone.  I am but a mere steward of this ministry.  I can't make people do things that they don't want to, so I come to you right now in prayer, revive this ministry Lord.  May the people who serve you have the passion to do so.  May the people who is passionate about worship, uses that passion to serve you.  I pray that Lord, you will unite this ministry together and may we have the same vision and same direction.  Lord, I look to you for help and I know that you will reach out your hand to me.  I have faith in that.  So once again, I commit this ministry into your hands.  You know the best.  May we be stretched and be expanded so that we can be versatile and flexible.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Thoughts

Life is complicated

Undiluted complication

Unaccountable confusion

A mess, really…

A mess we created ourselves

A mess we caused ourselves

Yet, time and again

Our fingers pointed away from ourselves

Hands shoving blames to others

When, who are we to blame really,

But ourselves?

Day by day

We struggle and we stumble

Attempting to crawl along

To move forward, even for just an inch

Yet, we are stagnated

Rooted to the ground

Not moving forward, nor moving backwards

Coming to a point,

That all we can do is fall to our knees

Heart wrenching

Bawling ourselves out

Sobbing away

Tears falling

Heart’s emptying…

With a whisper, we cried out the one word we couldn’t

Help…

Help me, please…

Oh, from the depth of our hearts that one word seep out

And He hears

He heard our whisper

Surrender.... Again

Been dragging my feet and procrastinating in my walk.  Randomly reading a blog today and came upon an entry by Dale Partridge with the title Availability is the Fight.  Honestly, I clicked at it just to have a read and what do you know?  The word surrender pops up in the short article.  How much of a coincidence can one get when it happens time and again?  Here are some quotes from the article which I found is quite profound and truly "define" what surrender means:

"He told disciples to surrender every dimension of their lives to God.  Their work, their fears, their family, their success.  Nothing shows your faith more perfectly than your willingness to relinquish the authority of your life and follow any directive given by your leader.  Surrender is the proof of real relationship and real conviction.  Surrender is the true evangelism.

It's not easy.  It's tough.  I'm not sure if I can do it.  I'm even afraid to try it.  How does one take a step to do so?  I honestly, truly do not know.  I guess... I need to start somewhere.

(pic taken from http://www.thewordofanerd.com/)

Digging Deep

It is easier to run and to avoid, to not dig deep and look into myself.  Yet Lord, circumstances, or maybe even You, are asking me to probe deeper.  I am not sure Lord of what I would find inside.  I am scared, I am afraid, I am uncertain, I am vulnerable.  Yet on the other side of the tunnel, I know Your light shines even brighter, reaching out to me, calling me, yearning for me to draw even closer to You.

Lord, help me oh God to ask the questions that I need to ask.  Help me to see what I need to see, help me to go into myself so that I can come back up alive and well, stepping into a deeper trust with You.  Help me to see and fight, and know that my vulnerability will only draw You closer, the pain that I may and will experience will only pull me closer to You rather than anything else Lord.

Start of 2011... Not a very good start for me

2011, the year that greeted me.  This week was the start of my 3rd week at work, and it thoroughly didn't turn out well.  Being reprimanded everyday at work sucks, and it sucks big time for me because I have no idea what exactly I am doing.  Overwhelming is short to say the least for me.  But being unfairly told off for my work was another!  I wonder how am I going to take it.  Can I survive another month here?  I guess if I really can't I need to prepare to jump ship.

Peace

Once again, I have moved on from my work.  All I can say is that I felt God's peace when I took the new job offer and I know that I will be in good hands.  It's amazing to see what God does as He leads me through every step of my life.

Things can be havoc at home but I also know that god is in charge.  Why worry when you have the Lord God on your side?  That is something I gotta always keep reminding myself.  Life is definitely a challenge but knowing that the Lord is with me makes things a little bit easier.

This week is a heaven sent week for me.  I will chill and relax, making sure that things are alright.  In the meanwhile, it's decluttering period again for me =D

I am reminded

Today, I am reminded to give thanks to God no matter what happens in my life, no matter what I am feeling at this point in time, no matter how difficult things or how wonderful things may be.  For the past week, I realised that I was choosing to be critical, to be mean, to be nasty and what not.  This is because I was feeling miserable, feeling upset, feeling down and all.  Yet through out the week, God, through His word and through the devotion I was doing, reminded me the importance of giving thanks.

This morning, even before practice starts, though we were late to start and all, I chose to give thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him that morning with all my brothers and sisters.  I wasn't feeling it really, and I could've allowed whatever I was feeling through the week to bring me down, to make choose not to do my best for God.  But I chose to remember what God was trying to tell me, and to give thanks to Him.  I gave thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him, for the opportunity to sing for Him.  I gave thanks for the freedom that we have in worshipping our Lord without fear.  I give thanks for the freedom to lift up my voice and to lift up my hands and to be able to freely proclaim His name to people around me.

Even right now, I choose to give thanks for being able to write this post, to have internet to post it and to share with those who are interested in it.  I truly am grateful.

I guess sometimes, we, living our lives everyone, threading on that path that we think will lead us to a better life, we forgot to stop, reflect and thank God for those little things that He has blessed us with.  Sometimes, along my life, I do have to admit that, thinking of what I want and dwelling on all those big issues and worries of life, I forgot to thank God for those blessings He have placed along my path.

Lord, thank you for your wonderful and timely reminder.  Forgive me for always criticising, thinking of the bad side of things, being negative and even being sarcastic.  Help me once again to be positive, to be reminded to give thanks at all times.  Change me oh Lord I pray, and make me anew once again in You.  I pray this simple pray from the bottom of my heart in the name of my wonderful Lord and Saviour, Jesus... Amen

Weddings

It's that time of the year where I get bombarded with many wedding invites.  At this age and this time, it's pretty much a frequent happening in my life, as many of my friends are getting married and all.  I always am touched when these people share their love life and love story with us all.  Although to some of us, it's just another wedding dinner that we attend, but I guess, to those lovely couples, it is an outward sign of their desire to share their happiness with us.

To those of you who are married, remember, the wedding ceremony/ dinner is the very first outward sign that you show to the world that you are spending the life together.  Remember that this is the very beginning of a long journey together.  Maybe along the way, you face some disagreement, or even argue and fight each other.  Maybe along the way, there are times when you are tired and wanting to get away from each other for that little bit of "me" time.  Always remember, you made  a commitment to spend your life together, till death do you part. Remember, those arguments, those fights, those private times that you yearn, are still all there.  Don't hold on to those negative things, but learn to see those lovely memories of your relationships.  Remember those times when you smile just because he or she is by your side, remember what those moments when you decided to fall in love with your partner.  Remember those times when you laughed with each other over those silly antics or actions you've made to each other, remember those times when just a mere thought of him or her brings a smile to your face.

Even if you are in the midst of difficult moments, be thankful for those moments, because I believe those moments allows you to get to know the person better.  Not just when things are good, but you see how that person is when things are bad too.  For better or for worse.... that's the vow you made before God and men. So, when the worse comes, don't let it overwhelm you, but rather, turn to your partner and say, I know things are tough for us now, but I am thankful for that we are in this together, so that we can walk through this together and come out of it together as well.

To all my lovely couple friends, may the good Lord continue to bless the two of you at all times, no matter what circumstances that you are facing or you may be in.

One by one leaving...

It seems that more and more people are leaving.  Yet, I am still around.. sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision coming here, but since the decision has been made, I have been sticking around to see how things will go.  Yet, looking at things, I am unsure if I should stay on or move forward.

Friends can be upsetting sometimes

I can't believe that there are friends who can really upset you at times.  What's more these are friends with whom you have been close with for so many years.  They know you well enough and yet, they still do crazy things to you.   Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to take the time to hang out with them and chill with them, yet in many things you're forgotten. 

I am just feeling very upset right now, and I don't like my feelings right now.  Things are not easy for me and it's saddening to know that you're being neglected or being treated as something else.

The Reason to Worship

Why do you worship?  What are the reasons/driving factor for you to worship?  Is it the passion to play the instruments?  Is it the passion to sing?  For me, it's just as simple as a desire, a desire to sing for Him.. That's my motivation to sing, my motivation to worship, my motivation to lift my voice to Him.

Decluttering Process in my Life

I read somewhere in Organising Queen that organising takes time and effort.  You also need discipline (I slack on that part) and to set aside time to do it.  It doesn't mean that you need to set one full day.  Just some time everyday to re-organise things.  Well now, before we go into organising things, we need to get rid of old things.

By habit and nature, I like to keep things.  If I do look/ dwell deeper, it runs in the family.  That aside (something I will explore later in my life), I realised that in order kickstart the organising of my life, I first need to do some decluttering in my life. 

I have a lot of papers lying around in my room.  Some I don't even know why I am keeping them and etc.  That aside, my chest drawer is a mess, it contains clothes and other stuff!  Woah, talk about being disorganised.  Taking the cue that I can do just a little bit a day, I decided to get started with my chest of drawers.  Like I said, the drawers are full of things!  I made a mental note of what I really want to be kept in each drawers (4 of them) and I decided to tackle them! Sorry, no pictures to show, too shy, coz it's in a serious mess.. haha... Well, I did not actually tackle all of them in a go, but I decided to tackle the 1st two drawers.  One is for shirts and another is for pants.  What I did was I pulled out everything that's in there, chucked aside all those that doesn't fall into the shirt or pants category and refolded my shirts and pants so that it could fit into those drawers.  End result's good!  I'm satisfied with it too.  

Doing this makes me think of my spiritual life too.  We always think that we need to do a whole lot of things and set aside a lot of time to God.  As I was sharing with my pastor, she said exactly that we just need to allocate time to God and we need to learn to be creative with it.  What I can do is, to wake up and spend half an hour with God; be it singing to Him, reading my devotion for the day, or just praying, talking to Him.  And I can end my day by allocating another half an hour to be with God; by doing my bible college study materials.  Then it just hits me, hey, that ain't so bad afterall.  I don't actually need to force myself to do it everyday and then feel bad because I'm tired and thus ended up not spending time with God at all.  Ever felt that way?  If you do, do join me to take some time and play around with time so that we can organise ourselves and set discipline in our lives, both in the context of spending time with God, as well as in the context of getting ourselves organised.  It's a process; like what my pastor said; it's a process which we need to learn to implement in our lives, so that we may learn to be able to discipline ourselves more.

So easy

Why is it so easy to give up? Why is it so easy to let go? Why is it so easy to forget sometimes?  I do wonder, I often wonder, yet also, I often push my thoughts aside and not think.  Oh Lord my God, help me to focus on what's right, good and correct.  Help me to see beyond the now and into the future.  Help me to look beyond the situation right now but think of the possibilities.

Is it ever possible for us to see? Is it ever possible for us to think beyond ourselves? Yet, many a times we are slaves to ourselves, allowing ourselves to buy whatever we want, do whatever we want because we think that pleasure is all that there is.  But Lord, U know that there is always more.  We are the temple of God, our bodies are it.  Do we serve man (ourselves included) or do we serve a mighty God.  Need to learn the fact that we need to look beyond self in order to look toward God.  That is it not always about ourselves, not just bless ourselves with the finest.

I've seen, that when one gives beyond what they are capable of (be it finance, time and themselves), the amount of blessings in the from of joy from the heart overflows.  My God is not just a god whom we serve, but He is a God who desires relationship with us.  He wants to talk to us, He wants us to know Him so much that He was willing to give His son for us.  Who could ever do that?  Man can say that they are willing to give their lives for their loved ones... but remember, words are easy.  Marriages tumble here and there and relationships get broken along the way because sometimes, words are just that easy.  Yet, with God, He proved it when Jesus died on the cross.  Oh Lord, U are just so amazing, and again, I am left speechless in Your presence.

Even as Your hands continue to touch me and touch my heart, please oh Lord, remove the pride that is in me, remove the selfishness that's within me, replace it with Your heart oh Lord.  What do I really want is for U oh Lord, to always dwell in me, to always live in me, to always be with me, to always hear my cry and know where I am.

Teach me to be content with what I have, to be content with the fact that U will provide all that I need....

Red Marbles...

An article shared by a friend on FB.  Serves as a reminder to me... and this is one of those moments where I am reminded to be thankful for those blessings poured onto my life.  Thank you, whoever you are.  You know you've blessed me with that small act of yours.  Remember, it may be small to you, but it means a lot to me.

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.

Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?'

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'

'Good. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'

'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller ...

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'

'I can see that ... Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.

'Not zackley but almost ...'

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'.. Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.

They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts ... all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her, and moved on to the casket ...

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size ... they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.'

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath ...

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself ... An unexpected phone call from an old friend ... Green stoplights on your way to work ...The fastest line at the grocery store ... A good sing-along song on the radio ... Your keys found right where you left them. 

God; The Navigator of My Life

The devotion from Our Daily Bread on my birthday hits the mark:

This is again a moment that God made me realise that He is in control of my life.  I thinking through some matters in my life and I do need guidance from Him.  Three days have passed since my birthday, yet God still wants me to revisit this devotional article.  What a reminder from Him, to remember that He is indeed the navigator of my life.

As I come before You tonight oh Lord, I trust that You are navigating my path even right now.  I cast my concerns, my worries and my burdens in Your hands.  Grant me Your peace that is beyond this world as I learn to make the right decision and take the right path in my life.  Thank You once again, for Your wonderful reminder that I can trust You with my life, no matter what the journey may be for me.  All these I give thanks to You, in Christ's beautiful name I pray, Amen

Thank You for a Wonderful Birthday Celebration....

This is dedicated to all my friends! You guys have been such a blessing to me that I don't know what else to say but a big thank you and I wish I could give you all a big, big hug.  It's my birthday today, and you've really made my day by bombarding me on facebook! Haha... it's amazing!

You know, there are people who asked me what did I get today as a present.  I would say this, I received affirmation of friendships from my friends and numerous blessings from them just from their simple wish of birthday to me today.  You see, it's not the material things that matters, but a lot of times, it's the intangible things such as friendship.  Like faith in God, I cannot see it, but I know I have faith and hope in Him who gave me life.  Likewise my friends, we may not see each other often, but you know what, thank you! for being there during those seasons of life that we have spent together.  Some may be short, some may be long, but know that I do cherish your friendship because you are a gift from God to me through the different seasons of my life.  Maybe for some, our paths may never cross again, but one amazing thing about technology is that it bridges the gap between us.  Maybe we may never meet face to face, but knowing that we are connected still via facebook, I think, that's amazing right?

So, once again....

THANK YOU!!!



Love always...



Dear Lord, thank U for my friends who have been there for me in the past, for those who are here for me right now, and for those who will be there for me in the future!  I pray that U will bless them abundantly as they have blessed me through their friendships! 

I want to Seek More of You Oh Lord....

This song... of all songs.... is my prayer to You oh Lord.  This is that one moment in my heart that says, oh Lord... I want to melt in Your peace.... this is that one moment in my life again... that moment that I was searching for...

D 
The more I seek You 
A 
The more I find You 
Bm 
The more I find You 
G 
The more I love You 

Chorus: 
D 
I wanna sit at your feet 
A 
Drink from the cup in Your hands 
Bm 
Lay back against You and breathe 
G 
Feel Your heart beat 
D 
This love is so deep 
A  
It's more than I can stand 
Bm  
I melt in Your peace 
G 
It's overwhelming

These verses stirred my heart....

Was doing my homework when I came across these few verses:

John 6:35
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life.  He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said," I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"

Jesus is life and life is Jesus.  I felt as though these verses are telling me, when you have Jesus you have life.  Do you want life? Then have a want for Jesus too, for He is life.

Somehow this picture reminds me of my freedom in life when Jesus is in my life.... May it bless you as I am blessed...

Faith

When it comes to faith, one asks a lot of questions.  What is faith? What does it actually mean? What does it entails?  A lot of times, faith is explained as believing in something that you cannot see or feel.  The dictionary.com define faith as confidence or trust in a person or thing.  But when it comes to Jesus Christ, what is faith?  It's easy to say, have faith sister or brother, have faith that God is in control and etc.  But when reality hits you right at your face, can you still say have faith?  Can you still have faith?

Faith hits me right at the face tonight, when I busy myself managing the stage for Jaeson Ma Music Rally at PGRM.  Faith hits me when Ps Joeann shared that we have nothing, no money at all, just a vision and a dream to do a big one for God.  Money is something we do not have.  But what we have then, is faith.  Faith to step out and say, God, here I am, use me for I am yours.  Faith is when everything is telling you it's the wrong thing to do, it's the worse ever commitment you're going to make, you'd say yes for God.  Faith, is believing beyond what we can see right now, and believing and trusting and KNOWING that this is what God calls us to do, and He will bring it to pass.  This team that has come together, showed me what their faith in God truly is.  Their faith shows me that, no matter what fear or worries we may have, we can have faith in God knowing that He is in control.  Their faith shows me that, no matter what you plan or want things to work out, we can have faith in God, knowing that He is our master and holds the blueprint of our plans in His hands.  Their faith shows me that God works beyond what is right now and He can work in you and I to go beyond what situation we may be in right now.  Their faith shows me too, that we can dream big in God, because if we have that faith, and out of that faith, born passion and desire to go beyond our own limitations for God, we can achieve great things for Him.  We may be ordinary people, but we have an extraordinary God and because of that, we can do extraordinary things for Him too!  And all this start from faith.

Faith is such a simple word, but yet, it carries such a weight in its meaning.  Faith...  Do you have enough faith in God?  Can you say and mean it from your heart that God is in control of your life?  Can you tell God, lead me oh Lord, that I may have faith to see beyond what I can see right now, and to be confident in You and trust that You are leading me?  Faith....