Delight of my Heart

Oh the delight of my heart
The delight of my heart is in You
That I may learn to walk with You
That I may learn to yearn for You
That I may yearn, to seek more of You in my life

A life without You
A life of hopelessness
A life of emptiness
A life of hollowness

A life with You, oh Lord
Is a life of abundance hope
A life of fullness of joy
A life of full of peace
A life full of love

Looking to You, you are my strength and my portion
My hope in times of needs
My guide as I walk through this life

Oh abundance is in You
Oh, the abundance of Your love
Oh, the abundance of Your blessings

How Great is Your Love oh Lord!

Wanting to Write Again

YFeeling at a crossroad again.  This time, it's not about work, but about ministry.  Uncertain if I should continue when I feel burned out.  I'm feeling the strain after having come back out to the "world" to work and deal with the things that happens in a corporate environment.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful to God that I am able to find a job after so many months.  What I am feeling is the strain between balancing ministry life and work life.  I'm tired looking at the things that is happening right now.  Many of us are so busy with work life and right now, church seems to be having so many things which requires the involvement of the worship team that we come to the point where I want to say, I don't think this is working.  Yet, there isn't anyone else voicing the same thing.  We say one thing and we do another thing.  Sometimes I wonder, is it worth it?  What is the whole purpose of worship?  What is the whole purpose of what we are doing now?  Are we just doing it for the sake of doing it?  Or are we putting ourselves out there and trying to be so many things and do so many things that we lose ourselves along the way.

I love worship.  I really do.  But how do I balance it?  Is life just a series of choices where it's either work or it's ministry?  I don't always believe that.  I guess the ultimate question to this is, is Jesus at the centre of your life right now?  Is it because he no longer is the centre that I am facing this struggle?  A question that I have to say, I'm afraid to answer, and I guess, being afraid, I kinda do know the answer to it.  Balance, life long skill of balancing with God in the middle.

Lord, help me to do so.  I have come to the point I have to say, I'm done with this struggle Lord.  The ministry is yours and yours alone.  I am but a mere steward of this ministry.  I can't make people do things that they don't want to, so I come to you right now in prayer, revive this ministry Lord.  May the people who serve you have the passion to do so.  May the people who is passionate about worship, uses that passion to serve you.  I pray that Lord, you will unite this ministry together and may we have the same vision and same direction.  Lord, I look to you for help and I know that you will reach out your hand to me.  I have faith in that.  So once again, I commit this ministry into your hands.  You know the best.  May we be stretched and be expanded so that we can be versatile and flexible.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Thoughts

Life is complicated

Undiluted complication

Unaccountable confusion

A mess, really…

A mess we created ourselves

A mess we caused ourselves

Yet, time and again

Our fingers pointed away from ourselves

Hands shoving blames to others

When, who are we to blame really,

But ourselves?

Day by day

We struggle and we stumble

Attempting to crawl along

To move forward, even for just an inch

Yet, we are stagnated

Rooted to the ground

Not moving forward, nor moving backwards

Coming to a point,

That all we can do is fall to our knees

Heart wrenching

Bawling ourselves out

Sobbing away

Tears falling

Heart’s emptying…

With a whisper, we cried out the one word we couldn’t

Help…

Help me, please…

Oh, from the depth of our hearts that one word seep out

And He hears

He heard our whisper

Surrender.... Again

Been dragging my feet and procrastinating in my walk.  Randomly reading a blog today and came upon an entry by Dale Partridge with the title Availability is the Fight.  Honestly, I clicked at it just to have a read and what do you know?  The word surrender pops up in the short article.  How much of a coincidence can one get when it happens time and again?  Here are some quotes from the article which I found is quite profound and truly "define" what surrender means:

"He told disciples to surrender every dimension of their lives to God.  Their work, their fears, their family, their success.  Nothing shows your faith more perfectly than your willingness to relinquish the authority of your life and follow any directive given by your leader.  Surrender is the proof of real relationship and real conviction.  Surrender is the true evangelism.

It's not easy.  It's tough.  I'm not sure if I can do it.  I'm even afraid to try it.  How does one take a step to do so?  I honestly, truly do not know.  I guess... I need to start somewhere.

(pic taken from http://www.thewordofanerd.com/)

Digging Deep

It is easier to run and to avoid, to not dig deep and look into myself.  Yet Lord, circumstances, or maybe even You, are asking me to probe deeper.  I am not sure Lord of what I would find inside.  I am scared, I am afraid, I am uncertain, I am vulnerable.  Yet on the other side of the tunnel, I know Your light shines even brighter, reaching out to me, calling me, yearning for me to draw even closer to You.

Lord, help me oh God to ask the questions that I need to ask.  Help me to see what I need to see, help me to go into myself so that I can come back up alive and well, stepping into a deeper trust with You.  Help me to see and fight, and know that my vulnerability will only draw You closer, the pain that I may and will experience will only pull me closer to You rather than anything else Lord.

Start of 2011... Not a very good start for me

2011, the year that greeted me.  This week was the start of my 3rd week at work, and it thoroughly didn't turn out well.  Being reprimanded everyday at work sucks, and it sucks big time for me because I have no idea what exactly I am doing.  Overwhelming is short to say the least for me.  But being unfairly told off for my work was another!  I wonder how am I going to take it.  Can I survive another month here?  I guess if I really can't I need to prepare to jump ship.

Peace

Once again, I have moved on from my work.  All I can say is that I felt God's peace when I took the new job offer and I know that I will be in good hands.  It's amazing to see what God does as He leads me through every step of my life.

Things can be havoc at home but I also know that god is in charge.  Why worry when you have the Lord God on your side?  That is something I gotta always keep reminding myself.  Life is definitely a challenge but knowing that the Lord is with me makes things a little bit easier.

This week is a heaven sent week for me.  I will chill and relax, making sure that things are alright.  In the meanwhile, it's decluttering period again for me =D