Digging Deep

It is easier to run and to avoid, to not dig deep and look into myself.  Yet Lord, circumstances, or maybe even You, are asking me to probe deeper.  I am not sure Lord of what I would find inside.  I am scared, I am afraid, I am uncertain, I am vulnerable.  Yet on the other side of the tunnel, I know Your light shines even brighter, reaching out to me, calling me, yearning for me to draw even closer to You.

Lord, help me oh God to ask the questions that I need to ask.  Help me to see what I need to see, help me to go into myself so that I can come back up alive and well, stepping into a deeper trust with You.  Help me to see and fight, and know that my vulnerability will only draw You closer, the pain that I may and will experience will only pull me closer to You rather than anything else Lord.

Start of 2011... Not a very good start for me

2011, the year that greeted me.  This week was the start of my 3rd week at work, and it thoroughly didn't turn out well.  Being reprimanded everyday at work sucks, and it sucks big time for me because I have no idea what exactly I am doing.  Overwhelming is short to say the least for me.  But being unfairly told off for my work was another!  I wonder how am I going to take it.  Can I survive another month here?  I guess if I really can't I need to prepare to jump ship.

Peace

Once again, I have moved on from my work.  All I can say is that I felt God's peace when I took the new job offer and I know that I will be in good hands.  It's amazing to see what God does as He leads me through every step of my life.

Things can be havoc at home but I also know that god is in charge.  Why worry when you have the Lord God on your side?  That is something I gotta always keep reminding myself.  Life is definitely a challenge but knowing that the Lord is with me makes things a little bit easier.

This week is a heaven sent week for me.  I will chill and relax, making sure that things are alright.  In the meanwhile, it's decluttering period again for me =D

I am reminded

Today, I am reminded to give thanks to God no matter what happens in my life, no matter what I am feeling at this point in time, no matter how difficult things or how wonderful things may be.  For the past week, I realised that I was choosing to be critical, to be mean, to be nasty and what not.  This is because I was feeling miserable, feeling upset, feeling down and all.  Yet through out the week, God, through His word and through the devotion I was doing, reminded me the importance of giving thanks.

This morning, even before practice starts, though we were late to start and all, I chose to give thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him that morning with all my brothers and sisters.  I wasn't feeling it really, and I could've allowed whatever I was feeling through the week to bring me down, to make choose not to do my best for God.  But I chose to remember what God was trying to tell me, and to give thanks to Him.  I gave thanks to God for the opportunity to serve Him, for the opportunity to sing for Him.  I gave thanks for the freedom that we have in worshipping our Lord without fear.  I give thanks for the freedom to lift up my voice and to lift up my hands and to be able to freely proclaim His name to people around me.

Even right now, I choose to give thanks for being able to write this post, to have internet to post it and to share with those who are interested in it.  I truly am grateful.

I guess sometimes, we, living our lives everyone, threading on that path that we think will lead us to a better life, we forgot to stop, reflect and thank God for those little things that He has blessed us with.  Sometimes, along my life, I do have to admit that, thinking of what I want and dwelling on all those big issues and worries of life, I forgot to thank God for those blessings He have placed along my path.

Lord, thank you for your wonderful and timely reminder.  Forgive me for always criticising, thinking of the bad side of things, being negative and even being sarcastic.  Help me once again to be positive, to be reminded to give thanks at all times.  Change me oh Lord I pray, and make me anew once again in You.  I pray this simple pray from the bottom of my heart in the name of my wonderful Lord and Saviour, Jesus... Amen

Weddings

It's that time of the year where I get bombarded with many wedding invites.  At this age and this time, it's pretty much a frequent happening in my life, as many of my friends are getting married and all.  I always am touched when these people share their love life and love story with us all.  Although to some of us, it's just another wedding dinner that we attend, but I guess, to those lovely couples, it is an outward sign of their desire to share their happiness with us.

To those of you who are married, remember, the wedding ceremony/ dinner is the very first outward sign that you show to the world that you are spending the life together.  Remember that this is the very beginning of a long journey together.  Maybe along the way, you face some disagreement, or even argue and fight each other.  Maybe along the way, there are times when you are tired and wanting to get away from each other for that little bit of "me" time.  Always remember, you made  a commitment to spend your life together, till death do you part. Remember, those arguments, those fights, those private times that you yearn, are still all there.  Don't hold on to those negative things, but learn to see those lovely memories of your relationships.  Remember those times when you smile just because he or she is by your side, remember what those moments when you decided to fall in love with your partner.  Remember those times when you laughed with each other over those silly antics or actions you've made to each other, remember those times when just a mere thought of him or her brings a smile to your face.

Even if you are in the midst of difficult moments, be thankful for those moments, because I believe those moments allows you to get to know the person better.  Not just when things are good, but you see how that person is when things are bad too.  For better or for worse.... that's the vow you made before God and men. So, when the worse comes, don't let it overwhelm you, but rather, turn to your partner and say, I know things are tough for us now, but I am thankful for that we are in this together, so that we can walk through this together and come out of it together as well.

To all my lovely couple friends, may the good Lord continue to bless the two of you at all times, no matter what circumstances that you are facing or you may be in.

One by one leaving...

It seems that more and more people are leaving.  Yet, I am still around.. sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision coming here, but since the decision has been made, I have been sticking around to see how things will go.  Yet, looking at things, I am unsure if I should stay on or move forward.

Friends can be upsetting sometimes

I can't believe that there are friends who can really upset you at times.  What's more these are friends with whom you have been close with for so many years.  They know you well enough and yet, they still do crazy things to you.   Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to take the time to hang out with them and chill with them, yet in many things you're forgotten. 

I am just feeling very upset right now, and I don't like my feelings right now.  Things are not easy for me and it's saddening to know that you're being neglected or being treated as something else.