December, the time of the month where people spend and spend and spend. Promotional ads on sales are pushed to the max, proclaiming to the market that they should buy this and that for their loved ones. People are getting excited and busy, thinking and planning on what to buy, thinking and dreaming of what they would get on Christmas. For the malls, decorations are already up; a mere manner in attracting more crowds to their malls in hopes of more returns. Not only that, churches are busy planning and organizing events, running programs after programs to get people to go to their church and to share this joyous occasion.

I guess in a world where busyness is the emphasis, many lost their “time” to slow down and to enjoy what Christmas has to bring. What is Christmas? It is the time where we are blessed abundantly, where God sent His son on earth to be a blessing to all of us. In the midst of us buying gifts for others, we ought to pause for a moment to savour the blessing that has been poured out to us by heaven. And with that in our heart, we ought to allow that thought to carry through as we purchase gifts to bless others.

The recent trip to an orphanage with my church has opened my eyes to how blessed I am to have parents who care deeply for me, who bear with me through my “bad” and who continue to love me unconditionally. I’m blessed to have parents, relatives and friends who loves me for who I am, for who I was and for who I am aiming to be in life. To see these young people, who, in their lacking of love, grow to be mature, firm and positive, makes me see how different I am as well as my church youth as compared to them. To see the courage in their eyes, to see the fire and desire in their heart to grow and to live this life no matter what comes their way, makes me think about my life, my growth as well as my desire to see the youth in my church to grow deeper in their lives as well.

All these have led to the idea that December is also a month of reflection. It is the time where we reflect how has our year passed, whether there’s any changes they we see in ourselves, how much we have grown through the many months. In the midst of all the busyness around us, there is a need to slow down and to ponder. It is from there that we plan for the next year, the expectations on ourselves, the resolutions that we want to set and etc. Even as we slow down, we ought to savour and learn to be thankful for all that’s in our lives. Be thankful for the family that you have, be thankful for all the material things in your life, and even be thankful for all the hardship and bad things that has happened in your life, for I believe it is through such incidences that you grow to be stronger and mature. Hardship shapes our personality and character even more so than happy times! So count your blessings in life.

James 1:2-4

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It’s a bit early, but…

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Questions, questions, questions..

Questions, questions, questions.. that's what I've been facing these days. It's not a good sight seeing all these happen. For whatever reason it is, I'm just bored and tired of things I guess.

Whenever friends or colleagues ask me things, I try to tai chi it over to some place else. Why? I really don't know. Maybe I'm just being plain tired already of work and stuff, that I feel like pulling away and isolate myself.

Gotta work on getting my life on the right track again. A friend said that my focus is at lost and shifted to something else, and that makes me think too. I guess it did happen to me and now in order to get things right I gotta be sure of what I'm going to do.

speechless

in the midst of all things oh Lord,
I turn my eyes to You,
Seeking to see You rather what's around me.

You know my struggles,
You know what's going on in my heart,
You know the anger, the hurt,
You know the stubbornness, the grustration, the pain,
You know what's in my mind and what's my reaction to thing

Tiredness is the least of the word that can describe my state of mind
Exhaustion is like a wall to me, one that I'm unable to climb through right now
Work may be done for now, but the mere thought of more coming in brings about fear
In the midst of this struggle,
Who can I look to for comfort?
Who can I look to for understanding?
Only You oh Lord, only You.
You are the only one to whom I can rely on
You are the only one to whom I can share all that's happening without fear of any sort.

Lord, teach me to look fully at Your face
Show me Oh Lord, what is it for me right now
even a question such as this, I cannot ask properly
State of mind... what is it? I have no idea
But Oh Lord, to whom can I turn to if not You?
FOr You are great to begin with, Yet gentle and loving enough to care...
Thank You Oh LOrd, for Your great presence ...
Thank You Lord, even though ....
Thank You Lord...

busy busy

For the strangest reason, research is picking up again at this period! It's crazy. There is just so much things to do and handle that I feel like I'm hitting the wall soon. Quite tired ... I guess to the extend that I feel like holing up in some weird places where people can't find me! BUT, how can I do that when I'm handling so many things....

Was just talking to two friends last night as both ask me to be careful and not break down anytime soon. I do hope so, but it's something that I don't have an answer to. All in good hands I guess. All the more I gotta submit to God's precious arms.

Sigh... crazy work period again.. will it end?

Dear Lord, u know what's going on in my life right now and there isn't any words for me to describe much of it. Please Oh Lord, pray for u to pull me thru...

Amen

How are you?

This is one question that my colleague posted to me recently? Wondering how I'm coping since she read my blog, i was honest in sharing with her about some of my plans. I guess for the fact that we've always been honest with each other and she knows that I'm going through makes this talk easier.

Planning to move on, looking around and etc are some of the things that's happening in my life right now. Trying to figure out things and making sure things are alright for now. Hopefully things will run smoothly for me, at least till year end. Can't decide for sure what I should and ought to do. I guess all I can do now is to do my part and pray. Pray that God will lead me, pray that God will open the door for me and pray that God will sustain me, as He has always been doing.

Dreading

It came to a point where I dread work again. I dread the things that I need to do. I dread the communication that I need to make. I dread the things that I need to complete.

I guess it's high time for me to seek again? I've been doing that on and off, but never with a full intention. I myself do not know what is making me ponder about moving and etc. Maybe God wants me to say, maybe it's just me, getting used to the craziness and resigning myself to it (high probable it's not though). I still do not know why. Both my colleague and I are considering the move and are praying about it. Yet we sense a need to stay on for the moment. I've thought of giving myself six months (from September... meaning already 2 months have passed!) before moving on. I guess for now, I'll pull myself through till December... and then I'll reconsider my move. Hope I can tahan till then......

Independence

Was doing devo when I came across this passage written by Selwyn Hughes:

"Observing the ways in which those who are not yet Christians deal with their deep inbuilt longings has always interested me greatly. Some just deny them. They pretend they are not there and attempt to keep them out of awareness through the defense of denial. Why do people do this? Because to admit to these longings is to admit that they are dependent on someone else to provide what they cannot provide for themselves. As I have said many times before, that feeling of being dependent is something that the sinful human nature abhors. One of the roots of sin is the spirit of independence; people don't like to feel that they have to depend on God for their lives to work. They much prefer to depend on themselves and are therefore sinful. "

For the fact that lucifer chose to be independent of God and chose to be on his own ought to wake us up to the idea and the thought that independence ain't just what it seems right? And the fight for independence in terms of gender and etc ... are they just as that or is there some underlying factor/thing that's happening?

Which brings me to the lives of couples... they live to be dependent and yet in some ways, independent of each other. But the part, the thought on the amount of effort that the couple put in to learn to be dependent on each other is something that, I guess, not to be taken lightly.

Marriage is probably a manner in which God wants to open up our eyes to see, and to learn to be dependent on Him as well.

Thoughts, thoughts....and revelation....undeniably from God.